Leaving with child - what are my rights?

[Saz22]

I've ended things with Hubs a few weeks ago, it was a long time coming due to him not really bothering with our DD 7 and selfishness amongst other things. He now suddenly wants to be with her all the time and is acting like super Dad - whcih is great for her going forwards.

I have some free advice with solicitor I need to organise but wanted to pick the brains of those who know on here also.

I've found a house I'd like myself and DD to move into at the end of the month but... am I legally able to just take her like that? Will there be any repurcusions legally if I do?

I'm not going to leave her but H has said she is staying with him and her going with me is 'not happening'. He doesn't want me to go either and has intimated he may make things difficult.

Where do I stand with all of this?

Thanks.

They always do this after a split. They suddenly miss their DC after a couple of hours despite ignoring them for weeks when they live with them.
He can't keep you hostage and yes you can take her, he has the right to go to court for access or he can sort out access with you like an adult, which would be better all round.

It sounds like he's in denial so he may stop talking "I'll keep you both against your will" nonsense with a bit of time.
However his feelings are not your responsibility and if you genuinely feel you are leaving for good and the best place for your daughter is with you then you are doing everything you should as a mum by forcing him to confront his new reality so she can have a smooth transition into her new life.

It's hard, but being firm and certain of what you're doing is for the best, for everyone.

He cannot keep you hostage

I can't advise on the legal side and you'd be best to speak to your lawyer about this. But his sudden interest in caring for your DD is probably selfishly driven by his concern for finances. The more time you have her, the more maintenance he will be liable for.

If I were you I'd just try to be as prepared as you can for the solicitors meeting - gather any financial documents you can, make notes on who is doing what currently in terms of the day-to-day care of your child.

My ex did that. After not changing a single nappy, not doing a single bath time or bed time, not getting up once in the night, he tried to tell me I had no right to take DS and leave.

I took ds and went anyway.

He had a few tantrums, sent some nasty emails, tried to starve us back by refusing to pay child support. That lasted six months during which time I suggested we go to court and get things settled legally, several times.

Then I offered him the choice of paying half of ds's costs or going to the CMS, he stopped moaning and paid up. Now he sees ds for 7 hours a week which is more than he used to see ds when we lived together. He could see ds more but can't be bothered

It's all about control and his ego. Do what is best for you and your child. Don't take any notice of his posturing and threats.

You can just move out - the marriage isn’t working - the mother usually takes the child - are you the one taking her to and from school - meeting her emotionally and physical needs - just go - he’s all bluster.
Let HIM pay for a solicitor.
Good luck

You can take her.
Equally, he can take her back.

You need to agree to a plan in mediation or failing that, get a solicitor to set up a Child Arrangements Order.

Yes you can take her - he can though decide then to keep her but he would have to organise everything

I agree with the above - get a plan set for custody and some legal advice to send something out

Suggest a reasonable plan for access. Suggest something you think is realistic given his lack of previous involvement and his working hours. Every other weekend and one weekday after school/overnight is a common pattern. (Plus half the holidays) If he disagrees tell him to organize mediation (first step for going to court, hopefully court is not necessary afterwards)

If you both have PR then you both have an equal right to have her.

You need to agree this. If you take her then he has an equal right to take her back which is obviously not in her best interests.

Who provides the majority of her care. ?

The person with rights here is your DD, and one of the very important ones is a right to a relationship with both parents.

If your move is local, which is of course better firbschool,age DC as then they do not lose their friends, then you can work out contact over time. I mean, it's much better for the DC if you can tell them straight from the outset who will be living where and what the contact arrangements will be. But if this is a golden opportunity new house/flat, then I wouldn't risk losing it.

But if not local, then I think it should be sorted out (including who transports DD - normally the parent who moves away) before you go.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I agree, the most important person in all of this is my DD and I'm trying to do everything i can to make it as easy a transition as possible for her. she is the cente of all this. I said h that I would want him to see here everyday, have her stay over when she's ready etc etc and that actually I feel it will make their relationship stringer.. so in no way had i planned to make life difficult for him in that respect, and still don't want that. i thought we would both be conscious and able enough to work this out between ourselves and hopefully it can still happen that way.. but he had still said she would be staying.

I am her primary caregiver, spending everyday with her, we home educate, so I do the educating, take her on her days out, playdates, activities, clubs, visiting family etc (he refuses to see my family.. and up till recently refused to do anything with us the majority of the time). I do the bedtime routine, cook, clean, care.

I did get a free half hour with solicitor yesterday and chatted with a mediator too and that was most helpful. I guess, I'll write a letter to H as my next course of action laying out intentions and how I see this working and maybe inviting him to give his visions too and see how that goes. After that mediation and court if necessary.

Fingers crossed. There's a chance I may get the house i viewed the other day and it would be perfect for DD and myself, we'll actually be able to have people round to visit as H gets funny about people coming round and can make things difficult.

Thanks again all.