I think just writing everything down will help me to process everything. It’s clear we need to separate but writing it down will help me come to terms with everything.
I have been with my husband for nearly 17 years (both late 30’s!) and we have 3 children.
Our marriage has not been an easy one. My husband betrayed my trust early into our relationship. Another time he had an emotional affair with a colleague, where boundaries were crossed. He tried to turn this around on me and say, he’s not allowed any female friends, this is not true and I’ve made it clear he can have female friends providing there are boundaries that aren’t crossed.
He is emotionally unavailable and has been throughout our relationship, he wasn’t supportive during my miscarriage, the loss of my Nan (he made me cry on the day of her funeral) and when i struggled mentally after our third child and during lockdown. This has been difficult.
When I say something he doesn’t like, he is very reactive but off course, it’s always my fault why he’s reactive.
Some time ago, I told him I didn’t like it when he turned things around on me. He reacted badly and this escalated to him calling me a psycho-maniac and telling me to fuck off, to the point I was in tears.
We argue frequently and I know this is not good for our children, or my mental health.
Now, I can write this down and hand it to him on a piece of paper and he wouldn’t take responsibility for this, he’d find an easy way out and instead of looking at himself, he’d threaten to divorce me which he’s done many times.
I know this is the end of the road and I need to leave for the kids and my sake!