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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Putting down my job

21 replies

Otter45 · 12/04/2022 19:23

I don’t even know where to start.
I’m a primary teacher and absolutely adore my job even though at times the pressure is ridiculous. I worked so hard to get to where I am.
DP is a social worker and constantly makes comments about how much more important and stressful his job is. I understand social work is a stressful and important sector and try to support him, but I don’t understand why he has to make comparisons that make my job seem like it’s worthless. Today he said I can’t understand his stress because all I do is play with 5 year olds all day whereas his job impacts lives.
I’m sick of being made to feel like everything I’ve achieved is nothing.
Just needed a rant and don’t have anyone to talk to IRL.

OP posts:

Duracellbunnywannabe · 12/04/2022 19:26

I think you need more than a rant. Whatever both your jobs are is irrelevant. What is important is very person who should be your cheerleader is putting you down and making you feel like something which is important to you is worthless.

AntarcticTern · 12/04/2022 19:27

OP, you need to pull him up on this. Every time he says it, say calmly "we both work hard in important jobs, there's no need to make it a competition about whose job is more stressful".

Velvetbee · 12/04/2022 19:29

Dump him, his contempt is inappropriate.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 12/04/2022 19:33

My mother was a primary school teacher and having spent time in her classroom I can say it is the hardest job I have ever seen. It is relentless, herding sheep isn't quite it, try teaching them to read!

Your partner is a dick quite frankly. Its all over the news at the moment how so many in the teaching professional are trying to leave over the ridiculous pressure and targets and lack of pay. And yet nothing about the poor social workers..... Not to diminish what he does, but seriously putting up with that level of contempt and stupidity will wear on you. He's a fool.

2MinuteRice · 12/04/2022 19:51

I would say both jobs are equally hard and important.
I'm a children's SW DW is a teacher. We both have shitty days when you don't want to go back and rewarding days where the kids you work with amaze you and make the job worth it.
It's not a competition.

We check in with each other when we are having a tough time and support each other in different but difficult jobs.

You partner doesn't sound like he is supportive of you. That doesn't tend to get better.

Don't know if you have children yet but how will he be if it's you at home with them while he is working? Will it still just be playing?

BlueSuffragette · 12/04/2022 19:53

Wow OP. He is so disrespectful. There are great teachers and great social workers, both are valuable to society and both stressful roles. Similarly, there are poor examples of both. He needs to grow up and realise you both have professional responsibilities. It is not a competition. Shut him down or it will get worse. He sounds quite pathetic really.

Piper22 · 12/04/2022 19:55

This is such an unattractive quality in a partner. If you were working picking rubbish up off the pavements that would still be a commendable job and one he should support you in doing

Lindy2 · 12/04/2022 20:01

How long have you been together?

Your partner seems to be either very insecure in his job or an idiot who is trying to put you down.

No one needs to compete about how important or stressful their job is or justify their job worth to others. Hasn't lockdown shown us that some of the most crucial jobs to society are those that may have traditionally been seen as less desirable.

If this is a relatively new relationship then I hope he has a good number of better qualities to justify you staying with him.

If it's a long standing relationship then you need to call him up on it and tell him straight that you're not going to put up with comments like that about your job.

mrsbitaly · 12/04/2022 20:04

I would tell him that you will not understand how stressful his job is but there should be no comparison in jobs. Your happy to listen but if he feels he needs to belittle you then it's best he doesn't bring his work home. Maybe he needs to find a new job if it is becoming difficult to cope with.

Babar100 · 12/04/2022 21:51

I think that’s awful he’s belittling you to make himself feel good…..

Watchkeys · 12/04/2022 22:06

'I can't be in a relationship with someone who belittles my job.'

Then let him choose whether or not to continue doing this. Let him choose whether to take responsibility for making the changes you need him to make in order that he can stay with you.

Do you think he values you enough to change this behaviour, OP?

Does he put you down in any other ways?

pog100 · 12/04/2022 22:11

This really is more serious than just needing a rant isn't it. What the hell is he like normally. This just isn't the sign of someone you want to share your life with, surely? Life's fucking hard enough, whatever role you have and teaching is definitely not seen by any normal people as an easy option, without coming home to an unkind, unsupportive, insecure wanker of a "partner".

AntelopeBeau · 12/04/2022 22:41

Agree with pp’s

It’s belittling you, how unpleasant for you.

Inexcusable. Rude. Insensitive. Disrespectful.

I’d be asking him who the hell he thinks he is?

On second thought I wouldn’t bother, I’d just pack my bags.

Mistystar99 · 12/04/2022 22:50

You're helping frame a better future, he is churning around in a messed up past. You could say your job is much more significant and important. If you wanted to be an arse like he is.

wasiwrongtoask · 12/04/2022 23:24

He is A dick but I am a social worker and during in after lockdown the pressure has been awful. Case loads are often very complex and lots of court work and when you're in the midst of all that it's difficult to appreciate others perspectives. Perhaps he's struggling?

gonnascreamsoon · 13/04/2022 06:56

I'd be telling him that 'How I feel is important. My job is important to me, and I need to be able to discuss the stress I'm under with you and be supported.'

And if he still went on about how much more stressful his job was, I'd be saying ''Why do you feel unable to sympathise with me and always feel the need to try to turn it into a competition ?'

Keep turning it back on him. Keep asking him 'why'. It's NOT about the job itself, it's about being supportive and encouraging with your partner.

You need him to try and see that it doesn't matter whether you're a Tesco cashier and he's a heart surgeon, you'll BOTH sometimes need to 'offload' emotionally when you've had a rough day/week/year !

girlmom21 · 13/04/2022 07:14

Surely if anyone understands the importance of a good teacher it's a bloody social worker?!

For lots of children the only good role model they have is their teacher.

FlowerArranger · 13/04/2022 07:23

He isn't just putting down your job. He is putting YOU down !!!

Even if your job came with much less responsibility and stress than his, it would still be disrespectful of him to try and put you down. It is not a competition.

He doesn't have your back. He doesn't value you. I expect all this goes much, much deeper...

Bananalanacake · 13/04/2022 07:24

Do you live together, I would definitely leave, he doesn't respect you as a person.

GoIntoTheLight · 13/04/2022 10:40

Not that this is the point but as someone married to a teacher of 5yos… I salute you,

He sounds unempathetic at best.

Tinwhistler · 13/04/2022 11:47

What an asshole.

Why continue to date someone who holds you in contempt? Not to mention, thinks he is gods gift.

He must be a shit social worker too considering he has zero empathy.

Tell him to jog on.
Life's to short to date wankers.

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