OnlyFans - Relief but Stuck

[ChangeTwxt]

Found out H had registered for Only Fans, cba looking at what he did, how much he spent. He say he deregistered straight away but he would, wouldn't he?

When I found it, I was RELIEVED. Finally something that, after years of being mildly to extremely unhappy, I could prove, and was clearly unacceptable.

But how TF do I actually get out of it? Not loads of money, I'm almost completely isolated, kids, work, house, and he wants to keep trying. We have agreed (after I stupidly showed my hand) that I would start being completely honest with him... I speak up when I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy all the fucking time, it's just going to make me sound unhinged.

I don't think, after all this time, I even know how to deal with negative emotions in another way than suppressing them and keeping going. Inside I am screaming and wishing he would vanish off the face of the earth.

And yes, it IS the tip of the iceberg. But it's the only thing he can't talk his fucking way out of.

You make some really scary huge decisions. You sort all financial paperwork etc prior to speaking to him. You give yourself a period of time where you’ll focus only on getting stuff done without reflecting as you go on the stress. It will be worth it. And when you tell him, I would focus on the relief. That’s bigger even than the OF thing. You’ve been looking for a way out for a while.

Don’t tell him it’s over.
See a solicitor. Take ALL their advice.
Decide where you want to live.
Make a plan that suits YOU and follow it, head down.
Then tell him it’s over and what is going to happen.

How TF do I get to a solicitor? I went out today, he knew where I was, he watched me take my keys. He still came to check up on me, then made up some bullshit story about why he had, lie on lie.

He then had to go out. I rang WA and told the advisor some things I have never said out loud... and now I'm broken. I don't know how I can hold it together. I can't work, I can't eat. I was in full flight mode, pushed that down and now I want to curl into a ball and vanish.

It's everything, big and small adding and adding on top. Like just now, I'm sat on the bed with the door closed to keep warm. He's been in to see what I'm doing and left the door open, letting all the warmth out. Is it that he doesn't remember the conversations? Is it that he doesn't give a fuck what I say? Is it on purpose to make me cold? I'm in knots and hate what I have let myself become. Nobody would ever know.