Unreconstructed men: opposites attract?

[Anonanonon]

I'm posting here, trying not to judge, just honestly looking for insight and understanding.

I'm male, raised by a strong-minded, feminist mother so grew up instilled with the idea that men can and should do better than the traditional chauvinstic stereotype. When I met my ex-wife, we were best friends, shared the physical and mental burdens of parenthood, communicated about our needs and loved discovering stuff about the world, travelling, etc. She considers herself a feminist.

And yet, she left me for a man who, whilst by all accounts a decent bloke, is obsessed with football (which she hates), who spends most of his spare time playing video games, who - according to his ex who he left for my ex - did precious little to help with the kids and house despite her being the sole breadwinner and who's idea of communication is to sulk and get passive-aggressive. She likes to get out and see the world. He'd much rather be watching the footie or playing on the console. She likes conversation. He's traditionally "stoic".

Since then, I've connected on Facebook with another of my exes - a strong-minded, independant woman who was (and is, through her work) involved in progressive social causes. She's happily attached to her partner, but again everything about him is literally, beer. Beer this. Beer that. Like a character from Men Behaving Badly. He, very deliberately, presents himself as an unreconstructed male.

And an ex-work colleague - had high-flying career in a charity. Left her husband and is now dating a guy who appears to just talk about beer and cars. Very blokey and ticks almost every "toxic masculinity" box.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to suggest anything "all women" or anything. I'm aware these couples might be a minority. I'm just trying to understand - maybe to try and understand a bit about my own divorce - why a woman who is obviously so strong, intelligent and demanding of men to be more communicative and emotionally intelligent, would opt for the very opposite in a partner? That everything I grew up thinging would be appreciated, actually isn't all that after all?

I don't know. I'd like a partner. But all I can find are men who like football, beer and playing computer games like kids 🤷‍♀️. My stuff is more reading, walking, cycling, countryside pubs. Maybe she wanted to move on and it was all she could find. 🤷‍♀️

Why did your wife say she left you, OP? What were her stated reasons? In what ways was the relationship not working for her?

Opposites attract. Like attracts like. So who knows?

Personally I would leave someone who turned out to have an underlying unattractive personality trait which may have been masked initially. It has nothing to do with feminism, being a modern man, or woman, or anything like that, and everything to do with somebody pretending to be somebody they are not..

So if the footy fans and beer drinkers are being true to themselves, whilst knowing right from wrong, good from bad and are emotionally mature enough to talk feelings and discuss problems without trying to emotionally manipulate and blame others for their own behaviours and perceived shortcomings, THAT is what is attractive.

To be honest, my last paragraph is applicable to women too - just replace the footy and beer with fashion and makeup.