Son so upset

[Sonaftersonafterson]

Posting in the hope of being given some wise words I can soothe my son with before he sleeps tonight.

He is a pretty sensitive kid, lacks confidence but has a nice group of mates he gets on with at school and he sees them outside school too. One in particular he gets on really well with and he sometimes stays over. Not often.

Anyway tonight he has found out through social media that this friend and several others from the group had all gone out today to some theme park and not invited him.

He is distraught. He told me through held back tears and I am gutted. I've tried to explain that although I know it hurts, it wasnt done TO hurt him. It's not personal, just one of those things. Not everyone can be invited everywhere... etc.

I can see my words are washing over him though and I'm so fed up because he was getting on so well and going out with these kids all the time on their bikes etc, he seemed really happy. Now this... and to be honest I am a little surprised they didnt invite him but I haven't said that, I've tried to play it down. He messaged his mate to ask why he wasnt invited and the boy ignored the message. This has upset him even more. Theres been no fallout, they were together yesterday!!

What can I say to make this better....

Oh and he is 11

Bless him, it's unlikely to be purposely excluding him and more an oversight, as kids tend to do. Give him a big hug and let it work itself out.

Am I right in assuming a parent would have had to transport them? It could be something as simple as not having room in the car and the parents that know each other best / have known each other longest making the arrangements. Also, it sounds as if he wasn't the only person in the group who didn't go so it isn't about his friends going off him. I'd explain that it can very hard for parents to include all their children's friends when travel is required and it isn't necessarily his friends excluding him but just practicalities arranging the trip. Point out that you could only transport a limited number if people, so if you took him and some friends on a day out he couldn't include everyone either. It wouldn't mean you didn't like them or did want to be their friend anymore.

It’s probably transport numbers or ticket offer in pairs or something daft. Give him a hug, let him know it’s okay to feel upset and let him know he’s awesome and you love hanging out with him. When the dust settles, support him building friendships with those in the group he really likes hanging out with whether it’s a gaming night or a trip out bowling - whatever he’s into.

I teach this year group and boys can be very insensitive.
The good news is if they were spending time with him the day before that he clearly hasn't offended them and they enjoy his company.
If he's quite shy, he was probably not thought of straight away and there was a limited number of places in the car. There's not much to be done but I would suggest he try to widen his social group a bit more for his own self esteem. This actually happened to me when I was a kid and it does hurt.

I teach this age too. Is he Y6? If so, I always find that friendship groups start shifting around at this point in the year as the realisation that they're leaving primary in a few months kicks in.

But that doesn't help your son feel better, bless him. I'd echo the other posters - I'm sure this is a genuine oversight, not deliberately being horrible. The friend who hasn't replied probably feels awful and doesn't know what to say.

I hope he gets to the bottom of things and it's sorted soon.