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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Challenging my aunt this evening

59 replies

ValerieCupcake · 11/04/2022 15:38

and I am terrified. I posted on AIBU about this last week. Full thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4524246-to-think-this-is-not-genuine?pg=9

Basically she is in touch with a Nigerian chap in his 20s. If that is who he is. She's 63. She's got a premium rate phone number from him to contact her on. I found this all out accidentally. She doesnt know I know about it.

I've been in touch with the guy myself. I 'liked' a couple of his pictures to kind of smoke him out. Then I was sent PMs from him. I've had tons of friend requests since from Nigerians.

I've posted in Relationships because it is more about my relationship with her. I am 100% this is a scam.

I am looking for support really. Terrified of bringing it up with her.

OP posts:
MrsWinters · 11/04/2022 17:21

If you’ve seen the other images can you reverse Google search those?
Maybe collate some of the stories about other scams into a file and ask her to read it and see if any of the ‘moves’ seem familiar?
Speak to your local community police officer and ask them to have a word?

ApolloandDaphne · 11/04/2022 17:23

I think you just need to be frank and honest with her. Tell her you have concerns about this person and maybe see if you can find a news story which is similar to back up what you are saying. Tell her you love her and don't want her to be scammed into losing all her money. After you have done that there is nothing else you can do but leave the ball in her court. She is an adult and can do as she pleases as hard as it might be to watch from the sidelines.

Mosaic123 · 11/04/2022 17:29

Tell her about Bank scams first and sneakily ask where she banks.

"So if you had a phone call from from someone who says they are from Barclays, or even your bank, it might well not be genuine - so let's say it was.... well which is your bank ? "

Then tell her about the Nigerian scams you've heard about, that are even worse as sometimes with banking scams you get the money back but with this kind of fake personal relationship scam it's extremely hard to do so.

Tell it to her very gently and emphasize how difficult it was for the very intelligent person to know what was going on.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 11/04/2022 17:33

If you have contacted him already contact him again and say that you have contacted the police and her bank. I know it probably won’t work. ☹️ Has she got any other friends and family who can talk to her? Google Nigerian romance scams. There’s names, photos, stories. Take loads, sit her down and be firm. Before that get up a discussion about banks, say you’re fed up with yours, who is she with?

MrsMigginsCat · 11/04/2022 17:42

This is defo a scam. My DM was tricked in a similar way out of several thousands of pounds. The police may be prepared to go and speak to her and warn her, but when we spoke to them about our mum they said that there is no law about giving your money to whoever you want so couldn't stop her. Action Fraud may be able to help with advice too.

Is there any way you can get hold of her computer/phone and see what is actually going on?

My mum got her money back, but only because the fraudsters were Nigerian students based in this country and they stupidly hadn't moved the money abroad when the police froze their bank accounts.

Romance fraud is insidious and these scammers prey on the vulnerable, particularly older, widowed ladies like my DM and your aunt.

beastlyslumber · 11/04/2022 17:44

Why do they fall for it?

You said yourself, your aunt is vulnerable. They target vulnerable, lonely people. They lovebomb and say anything they need to convince. They are nasty, manipulative scumbags.

oakleaffy · 11/04/2022 17:57

@beastlyslumber

Why do they fall for it?

You said yourself, your aunt is vulnerable. They target vulnerable, lonely people. They lovebomb and say anything they need to convince. They are nasty, manipulative scumbags.

This. It's awful.

Poor woman.

Weareallvirgins · 11/04/2022 18:03

Financial abuse? Social services? Im howling. Social services are useless.

lemongreentea · 11/04/2022 18:12

With a rude attitude like yours good luck in getting through to your aunt.

MsTSwift · 11/04/2022 18:32

Legally there’s not much you can apart from talk to her if she has capacity she is entitled to make bad decisions. A clients father gave scammers thousands despite his sons pleading with the fathers bank. The bank said the sons weren’t the banks customers the father was so they followed his instructions.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 11/04/2022 18:44

@lemongreentea

With a rude attitude like yours good luck in getting through to your aunt.
Why is the OP rude?
NeverChange · 11/04/2022 18:47

There are literally 100s of episodes of Dr Phil where they look at cases like this, including flying to Nigeria to the addresses on documents to prove they don't exist. Have legal advisors disprove the authenticity of the documents etc and still people believe because they want to.

Make watch some of the episodes on YouTube yourself for more ideas on how to show her she has been scammed.

You can contact the bank and ask that they consider her a vulnerable customer and that they should screen the payments as she is a victim of a scam. Document it in writing etc.

Also surprisingly lot of the names they use are repeated, google them in introverted commas with scam afterwards and you will find a lot of proof.

The same sentences and fake addresses are also very often used.

Iflyaway · 11/04/2022 18:48

OP, google 419 scam.

And maybe show your aunt.

Mischance · 11/04/2022 18:52

You are right to be worried - and she must by definition be vulnerable be taken in by all this. You have little choice but to open her eyes - but you will not be flavour of the month - how very hard for you.

AntelopeBeau · 11/04/2022 20:29

I think you’re the one who is rude lemongreetea. Take a hike. There’s always one nasty post on a thread 🥱.

Eightiesfan · 11/04/2022 23:18

@lemongreentea

With a rude attitude like yours good luck in getting through to your aunt.
Lemongreentea, YOU are the one being rude, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. The OP is genuinely concerned about her aunt, your comments suggesting that her concern is based financial gain says more about you than the OP.
Original poster
ValerieCupcake · 11/04/2022 23:31

I had a chat with her on the phone. I'm not feeling well, I feel like I am getting a chest infection and a streaming cold. I thought it best not to visit her.

I brought up the medal sandwiched in the middle of the conversation. I asked why she was talking to this Nigerian and the American, she said it was just for fun and she wasn't sending money. I asked if she had called or texted any of them and she said no. That's as far as it went and then we talked about other things.

She knows I am aware now, though. She has removed the medal picture and the accompanying post I will continue to monitor. I will not let it lie.

OP posts:
lemongreentea · 12/04/2022 07:14

@AntelopeBeau

I think you’re the one who is rude lemongreetea. Take a hike. There’s always one nasty post on a thread 🥱.
Biscuit
JoyLurking9to5 · 12/04/2022 07:19

Oh no :-/ poor you.

That is a tricky situation

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 12/04/2022 07:25

Well done, it can't be an easy topic to raise.

Have you told her/ shown her that this same guy has been messaging you? If nothing else that should ring the alarm bells. If all she wants is a bit of company or attention or to feel a bit special then it's likely to really take the shine off knowing he 's saying the same things to her own niece. Perhaps message her with screenshots.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 12/04/2022 09:53

I've read both of your threads with great interest as these struck a chord with me. One of my friends is wasting her time with online relationships, although it's a fairly local delivery driver rather than a Nigerian prince! He's picked her up and dropped her several times causing great distress and "feeling worthless". They've never met but she's wasted so much time since last August on this fruitless "relationship". He's also a proven pest, saying the same thing to other women, but she doesn't know that.

She simply wants a man. I can't think of a bigger waste of time than these conversations myself.

Original poster
ValerieCupcake · 13/04/2022 21:50

Update on this. I went for a coffee with her this evening. She didn't mention the contact in Nigeria but I did see an email address written on the back of an envelope. Looking at her Facebook page I was able to join the dots as I recognised the name. It is to do with a faked account pretending to be in Phoenix which left a message on her open page a few days ago asking to be friends.

I told her about the OMG game and that it is dangerous. She lied to my face that she doesn't use it.

Back home I reverse searched the images on the account. I found out this is an executive in Colorado. His photographs have been appropriated. I have emailed the man and shared the fake account and asked him if he would be good enough to contact my aunt and say that his photographs have been stolen and the contact doesn't exist.

I have also contacted the local police, Crimestoppers and the police in Phoenix with the details.

It is terrifying the life out of me. I have managed too to find out which branch and bank she uses if I need to contact them for safety reasons in future.

OP posts:
Bitconfusedhmm · 13/04/2022 23:20

How scary op!

mathanxiety · 13/04/2022 23:29

I can't imagine how frustrated and worried you must be - yes, terrified about how this is all going to turn out.

Flowers
Juniper68 · 14/04/2022 00:14

It's good you have this information and are doing all you can.