Way too soon!

[Nitty12]

I’ve been talking to a guy I met online. We’ve been on a few dates but that’s it. We’ve been talking for a while everyday though. Not many dates due to mum duties etc.

I’ve been moved out from my ex for 6 months.
New guy has now asked me if I’d move to where he lives. Would I go on holiday with him? I could move kids to school where he lives. I wouldn’t uproot the children no way.

But my god he’s jumping the gun a bit isn’t he? He says all he knows is he really really likes me and it’s just something to discuss.
I’m totally spooked as much as I like him. Surely this isn’t normal??

Of course it’s not normal

OMG, run away !

Yeah I totally agree. I don’t even know why I posed the question!

Its not normal, especially with kids involved, you would want to get to know him well for months before introducing him to your kids especially as they've also just gone through seeing you break up with your last partner. I wouldn't be moving my kids to any man, the right one would have to naturally fit in with us when the timing felt right. There is no rush, sounds like his hormones have taken over and he's just not thinking about it in a mature logical sense.

Has he met your children?

If it's a hypothetical "would you relocate your kids to live in my area?" then I think it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask at the start of the relationship. No point dating for a year and then realising that neither of you will relocate. If it's a "will you relocate your kids and move in with me now?" then it's WAY too soon.

Don't be flattered enough to give this heads pace. It's ludicrous idea and how would moving and uprooting your dc for a stranger be of any benefit?

I would be insulted that he thinks you are stupid enough to consider it.

Totally abnormal
Red flags left right and centre
Possible cocklodger warning ⚠️

Woah, way way too fast but you already know that OP.

From my perspective as an ex social worker id be worried about:

• A man wanting to engineer a situation to have access to your kids
• The upheaval emotionally/academically for your kids to move schools all for his needs, he hasn't even considered the impact

As a woman, id be thinking red flags:

• moving too fast, why? What's his motive
• Financial and legal impact on living in his home? Would you be buying a house there, long term impact if it goes tits up
• what will he contribute -

Either way it's very odd! But I am cynical and suspicious of everyone

@seensome

Its not normal, especially with kids involved, you would want to get to know him well for months before introducing him to your kids especially as they've also just gone through seeing you break up with your last partner. I wouldn't be moving my kids to any man, the right one would have to naturally fit in with us when the timing felt right. There is no rush, sounds like his hormones have taken over and he's just not thinking about it in a mature logical sense.

I quite agree. I do think it’s his hormones and to me, even hypothetically asking the question is a bit too soon as we don’t even know each other yet.

He hasn’t met the children and it wasn’t in my mind that they would fit a very very long time even if we did end up seeing each other properly.

He has his own child too.

@CityOfGunthers

If it's a hypothetical "would you relocate your kids to live in my area?" then I think it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask at the start of the relationship. No point dating for a year and then realising that neither of you will relocate. If it's a "will you relocate your kids and move in with me now?" then it's WAY too soon.

I agree.

For me, these things - kids, relocating,arrange, type of relationship you're looking for should be discussed early on.

That they're not is why there are people posting on MN about been strung along tcbecause they assumed...

So finding out if you're on the same page in theory is a good idea.

I went in a date with someone last year. A single date. It became apparent that we wouldn't have worked out because he wanted to live abroad for a while and wanted children. I don't want either of those things so no point seeing each other again.

If he was suggesting those things should happen soon then that's a massive problem.

It depends.

If it was 'in theory, at some point in the future, would you be open to these things' then i think that's fine - he may not want to waste time or fall in love if you are never going to want what he wants.

If he is suggesting you commit to it or do it now, then that is way too pushy.

Just seen her also has a child. So it may be that neither of you will ever be willing to move. In which case, unless you are both happy with an indefinite long distance relationship, you are incompatible and he is right to try to find that out sooner rather than later.

He’s a lunatic.

@FrancescaContini

He’s a lunatic.

Why?

Far too soon. Run run run!!!

He hasn't even met your kids yet but he wants you all to move house to be with him? Massive red flags waving all over.