Relationship nightmare

[Mollylegs]

Hi, I had posted once on here a few weeks ago. My husband has said he wants to leave myself and my son. He has not been the same since having covid nearly two years ago. He thought he had a heart attack but didn't tell me, he eventually had a breakdown, our life hasn't been the same sense. He also can't sleep which was a side effect of the long covid. He is so tired all the time. He has started going out where he originally comes from and coming home really drunk, he went out 2 Saturdays ago and proceeded to tell our son that he will always love us but he doesn't want to be married to me. He said not to worry that me and our son can stay in the house. My son was sobbing, devastated thet his dad wants to leave. I went for a walk with him yesterday and he was upset again as I had to tell him that his dad might still be leaving, it killed me. My husband is being nice one day, being intimate with me and saying it will be ok, but the next day he went all cold again and didn't speak to me. To top it all off I have had a phone call from my GP to say they found blood in my stool so within 14 days I will have an urgent appointment with, I'm presuming with my symptoms it is tests for bowel cancer. In the end I had to tell my husband as I couldn't keep it in. Now I think is he just feeling like he would have to stay if I was poorly. He is a changed person after covid, any help would be appreciatted x

This sounds awful for you OP.

I.dont really know what to say apart from to ask if you think there could be another women involved - this is.pretty common behaviour when someone is having an affair.

I'd also ask MN to move this for you into the relationships board.

Hello @Mollylegs - we're going to move your thread to Relationships now.

I'm sorry to hear this. I don't really have any advice except maybe you can both go to couples counselling. He also sounds like he needs individual counseling, as I don't understand why covid triggered a change in him.

I hope all goes well with your appointment, i'm going thru something similar.

Hi, I had asked him about coucilling but he is a very quiet person and refuses to speak to anyone, as for the trigger with covid he thought he had a heart attack and apparently it stayed in his mind and he just went downhill from there. He has come home from work early today, he claims that I never really want to do much so over the weekend I oferred to go to see his friend and their kids but he said no. Today he's gone away out on his motorbike and said that is where he's going to go. We could have went together in the car. I'm so confused and scared and don't know what to do.

Bumping for the evening crowd.

It sounds like the Covid has triggered some sort of health anxiety which can be frightening and exhausting for those around. Maybe it has made him look at life in a different way but that doesn't and shouldn't excuse his actions. Also, If he won't go to his GP to discuss treatments or counselling then you need to really look after yourself and your child and start possibly planning for a future apart. It's not anything you have done.

My heart goes out to you this will drag you down if he won’t have counselling then I’m afraid you’ll have think can you live like this forever.

I have been feeling so sorry for him as covid totally affected his sleep and now he is just sick of us and annoyed at everything we do. I wish I could help him more but the GP said he's a grown man and has to decide for himself if he needs help. When you have been with someone for 20 years it;s killing me thinking he doesn't want to be with us anymore. He says he will try one day then the next he doesn't want anything to do with us. According to him he has been feeling this way for about a year and says he doesn't think he wants us anymore.

I'm with your GP! If your husband has a problem, he needs to do something about it, not flail about hurting you and his child!

Have you told your son you might be terribly ill and need looking after? No? That's because you are behaving like an adult and managing things in an age appropriate way.

You'll find life a lot easier if you encourage him to leave and sort himself out.

Thanks for your response, I'm absolutely beside myself with worry. I was already in a state about my husband saying he wanted to leave us but this on top has me just about tipped over the edge. I'm in for tests next Wednesday so fingers crossed it will all be ok x

Hi, I'm sorry I didn't reply to you when you wrote a reply on my post. Do you have a husband that has decided he wants to leave or do you mean the other thing that no one wants to say out loud? either way I wish you well x

Sorry OP, I meant I agree with your GP- Your husband needs to be an adult!

Just like you are having to be an adult about your own scary health situation.

Hi, I'm sorry if anyone thinks that I am not replying to any of your suggestions. I'm not very technical and not too sure how to use this site, thank you to everyone who has given a reply.

Is he depressed? I split with my bf when I was suffering anxiety and depression. Looking back it was all just how I was feeling at the time and thought ending relationship would make me better. It didn’t
Maybe he needs anti depressants

I think for the sake of your son it might be better to separate from him for a bit. He’s obviously got some problems, maybe mental health problems but if he won’t deal with it and accept help then he’s just going to be creating a lot of stress for you and your son and that’s not going to help your boy feel stable and not going to help your well-being.