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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Struggling to sleep after separation

15 replies

coffeencrochet · 11/04/2022 01:57

Finally after almost 8 years I've left the DH (dickhead). Years of emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation and physical abuse sprinkled in all snowballed and 5 days ago I found the strength to leave. I feel so at peace and truly living my life, but come night time I'm struggling to sleep, and I don't understand why that is. It'll be 3am and I'm waiting for time to speed up so I can stop trying to pretend to sleep. I'll drift off for an hour or so and no matter how little sleep I'll get, I'll be awake for 7. Is there a sure fire way for me to get my sleep back? Appetite has also gone but I'm happy for that to stay at bay Grin

OP posts:
DenholmElliot · 11/04/2022 06:54

It's early days yet. Could you ask you GP to give you something just temporarily- just to try to get you back in the habit of getting a good nights sleep? Like zopiclone or diazepam?

Cr3ateAUsername · 11/04/2022 11:10

It’s early days yet. I promise you in a months time you will see improvement. It just takes time. Well done for leaving him, I know it’s easier said than done!

RandomMess · 11/04/2022 11:50

Short term 2 x 25mg of Phenergen will help

Original poster
coffeencrochet · 11/04/2022 12:02

I'm still sorting out a GP since I've moved to a completely different area, I'll definitely ask for something to help with sleep - I'm just wary since I have a child that still drinks at points of the night and I might sleep right through it 😢

OP posts:
thisisscary · 11/04/2022 18:39

Hello lovely first of all well done! Very similar situation here but we left a few weeks ago. Do you have support from womens aid? They have been fantastic with us, both practical support and a listening ear.

I’m also finding sleep very hard and when I do sleep I’m very restless. You should be able to get a phone appointment with a mental health nurse, the lady I spoke to was amazing I sobbed down the phone at her and she was so understanding. She prescribed me beta blockers for panic attacks but was also offering anti depressants and sleeping tablets. I declined the sleeping tablets for the same reason as you - child still waking in the night - but I’ve found that a hot water bottle and a beta blocker at bedtime plus listening to some meditation in bed helps some nights.

Are you awake worrying? Going through everything? Just wired? I think part of it with me is that I’ve spent so many years being alert in case he kicks off that im finding it hard to switch off the adrenaline despite not needing it now.
Don’t underestimate what you’ve been through, you have been so strong leaving it’s bound to take some time to recover after 8 years of abuse, it’s early days xx

Bibbetybobbity · 11/04/2022 18:46

When I had this I slept in a tracksuit and a hoody. I wore the hood up! Think I was so warm and cosy that it knocked me out and I felt safe and cocooned.

Original poster
coffeencrochet · 11/04/2022 20:47

@thisisscary

Hello lovely first of all well done! Very similar situation here but we left a few weeks ago. Do you have support from womens aid? They have been fantastic with us, both practical support and a listening ear.

I’m also finding sleep very hard and when I do sleep I’m very restless. You should be able to get a phone appointment with a mental health nurse, the lady I spoke to was amazing I sobbed down the phone at her and she was so understanding. She prescribed me beta blockers for panic attacks but was also offering anti depressants and sleeping tablets. I declined the sleeping tablets for the same reason as you - child still waking in the night - but I’ve found that a hot water bottle and a beta blocker at bedtime plus listening to some meditation in bed helps some nights.

Are you awake worrying? Going through everything? Just wired? I think part of it with me is that I’ve spent so many years being alert in case he kicks off that im finding it hard to switch off the adrenaline despite not needing it now.
Don’t underestimate what you’ve been through, you have been so strong leaving it’s bound to take some time to recover after 8 years of abuse, it’s early days xx

thank you love, well done to you too! I've not yet contacted women's aid, I work remotely and had booked in overtime in advance before even realising all of this would be happening and haven't had a chance to start sorting things until today - I'll definitely give them a call tomorrow. I mostly feel restless at the fact that I don't feel anything at all, I don't know if maybe I haven't accepted it yet or I've just become numb to it all. I haven't cried at all, just once when I saw my sister and she cried hugging me.
OP posts:
Original poster
coffeencrochet · 11/04/2022 20:48

@Bibbetybobbity

When I had this I slept in a tracksuit and a hoody. I wore the hood up! Think I was so warm and cosy that it knocked me out and I felt safe and cocooned.
I so wish I could do this but I run pretty hot sadly!
OP posts:
LargeProsecco · 11/04/2022 20:51

In this situation I had zopiclone from the GP. Also tried blue Nytol & found it much better

ListeningButNotHearing · 11/04/2022 21:01

Download the Audible app.
You can get a month's free trial (I think).

Choose something really interesting with a good narrator.

It will stop your brain whirring round and round and give you something to focus on until you drop off.

thisisscary · 11/04/2022 21:06

Yep you will be in shock that you’ve actually done it. I spent a couple of weeks not being sure what to say when people asked how I was. Have you read Living with the Dominator? I’m just reading it for the second time. It makes sense of a lot that’s happened, helps me to get my head around it all.

Womens aid have got a chat feature on their website and they will tell you who to contact locally. I’d recommend dropping that local organisation an email soon as possible as it can take a couple of weeks to actually be assessed etc. They can also help with solicitor appointments, my support worker is a lifeline to me she really is.

JohannSebastianBach · 11/04/2022 21:13

Blimey, give yourself a break you've been through a lot. It's going to take time to heal.

My advice is try to get a good routine for going to bed. Maybe some new things as you have made a new start.

If you are trying to go to sleep and it's not working after 20 mins/ half an hour then get up and read or something, then try again.

I listen to podcasts when I'm struggling, nice quiet, dull historians usually. I'm interested enough to focus on them talking but not so interested I stay awake!

Wish you well

NameChangeNamaste · 12/04/2022 00:32

My marriage ending wasn’t anywhere near as difficult (well done, you deserve some rest!!) but it was still very hard to sleep after… I found having a weighted blanket helped (and it doesn’t get as hot as you might imagine). There’s also a Deep Sleep playlist on Spotify that’s essentially calming spa music.

BungleandGeorge · 12/04/2022 01:10

Small thing but I found a couple of hot water bottles next to me helped. I guess the heat felt comforting and familiar

Original poster
coffeencrochet · 12/04/2022 07:43

thank you for the suggestions, I'm more inclined towards methods that don't require medication, but if it still carries on I'll definitely talk about those with a GP.
I've started doing some workouts during the day but I did some just before bed as well and that helped a bit - I ended up falling asleep between 11pm - 3am Smile so I'll probably go down the Audible route for the rest of the night Grin

OP posts:
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