How would you feel about this?

[Xztop]

I've been talking to a man who I met online for a year, we havent met up yet due to covid. We message everyday and chat on the phone a few times a week. He lives a long way away so due to work and the time difference we arrange video chats, usually once a week and I really look forward to them. Today we were meant to have a video call at 5pm and he sent me a message an hour before saying he wasn't going to call as he is having a bad day and is not good company. Its absurd but I feel really hurt and upset. No explanation, nothing. Just to add, I am in my 40s which makes the way I feel even more ridiculous!!

How far away? The obvious and standard wisdom is not to get emotionally invested in a virtual relationship. Sorry. What can start as an innocent distraction so easily and often comes apart for obvious reasons....people need actual people in real life. One or the other of you will eventually want more than the simulation and either look closer to home or sort out a logistical nightmare. Not to mention besides the virtual presentation neither of you really knows the other one or their lives.

Being upset about a video call should really be a wake up call I think. What are you doing here? Whats the plan? Do you not want to meet someone irl?

He must be a long way away if there's a time difference - can you see this developing into a proper relationship? He did the right thing and let you know in advance so I don't see any problem there. Take it in your stride and give him a bit of space.

Yes, it was stupid to get feelings,it was never meant to happen. The plan was we were going to meet up in October. There are various different reasons as to why we haven't so far but mostly childcare , pet care, work and covid.
I'm just not going to contact him and see what happens.

If a first meeting is this difficult however could you sustain it long term. You aren't in a relationship and this isn't real, this connection. unless you've met and got to know each other properly, it's a fantasy and you don't truly know him.
I wouldn't waste my time on someone long distance.
You don't owe him anything by waiting for this to happen. Surely no one's that busy for a year, especially men when they are eager to meet a woman they fancy!
He could already be in a relationship but enjoys a virtual bit on the side.

Go and find a date with a guy that's proactive about meeting you.

He's not available. If you truly are then look for someone who is also.

As above pp says....this connection isn't real. If the first meeting isn't happening the rest will be just as unsustainable. Move on, find someone who wants to meet.

@Xztop

Yes, it was stupid to get feelings,it was never meant to happen. The plan was we were going to meet up in October. There are various different reasons as to why we haven't so far but mostly childcare , pet care, work and covid. I'm just not going to contact him and see what happens.

Why?

Can you not just be up front and say this isn't working for you?

Why no contact and see what happens?

He has had a bad day, doesn't feel like chatting, has communicated this to you, not just left you hanging.

I'm confused as to what the poor guy has done wrong here?

@Sonaftersonafterson

He has had a bad day, doesn't feel like chatting, has communicated this to you, not just left you hanging.

I'm confused as to what the poor guy has done wrong here?

Based on this one incident, I agree.

OP, if you want to call it day because you don't think it will work for other reasons such as distance, etc. fair enough. But it reads to me like the not meeting has been down to both of you, not just him.

So I'm really not sure why you plan to stop contact without any conversation?

If you haven't met in real life in a year, at least one of you doesn't really want to.

Time to move on.

I do plan to speak to him again, I just meant I'm not contacting him for now.
I just feel let down and I've never dealt with that very well, I also feel stupid as I said to him yesterday I was looking forward to seeing him today and he agreed but then cancelled. Its just a fucked up situation tbh.