This is my first thing on here and I’m unsure how it all works so please bear with me.
My partner and I got together about 6 months ago, having known each other for 2 years prior. We work together and were literally best friends.
He instigated the first time we kissed, and it went very quickly from there.
He is separated, but very very recently, and has a 2 year old daughter who he is amazing with.
We moved in together so he didn’t have to be in the marital home, but also so he could have someone for his daughter to stay with him.
We didn’t think about the fact that I should be instantly around the child, because of how that would make the mum feel, and we messed up. She turned up at the house and took the child away, which almost killed him.
Since then, we have never been the same. He doesn’t blame me, he blames the fact he feels he can’t merge the 2 worlds together.
I started overcompensating because he backed away from me and I wanted him to know I was still here to support him, but it’s only pushed him away further.
We decided to have some space, so I’ve been staying away for the past week, in that time he has come to me and said he just doesn’t know how to get out of his head of how he feels at the minute, he doesn’t want to go back to the ex, but he doesn’t want to miss any part of his daughters life.
I said about us starting from scratch, rebuilding our foundations as a friendship, and he said if we find out way back to each other then we,now it’s meant to be.
We still talk a lot each day, and he has now started calling me more without me almost harassing for his attention. But he is staying up at the marital home because he says he can’t stay at our house because there are so many negative memories and his daughter can’t be there, and he wants to be with her.
I’ve sent him links to website about co parenting, which he seems open to reading, and mentioned Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I am embarking on from tomorrow.
Our connection is so strong it is undeniable, but how we got together was in a way where we felt we had to hide, and that it was taboo. I believe we deserve a second chance, but I need to let him know I am not chasing constantly and will not beg for his time. If he wants me there, he will need to find a way to have me in his life, I cannot let him hurt me again like this. I love him with everything I have in me, which neither of us have had before. We have both said we are so intense and our connection so deep it’s terrifying, but he needs to work on his stuff and everything that’s happened in the last 6 months.
I don’t have anywhere to vent, so I am sorry for this huge message! I do want us to work and I do want him to find his way back, but I also need to find a way to be strong. We lost ourselves because of all the negativity that surrounded us once he realised merging the 2 worlds wasn’t as easy as he thought. But one conversation we’ll have he’ll be open to talking to Ben about things and the next he gets angry or annoyed and it’s aimed at me. I’m the only one trying to help him because he won’t talk to anyone, so therefore I get the brunt of everything. I can’t let him go I can’t not keep holding on to fight for us, but I need some help on how to do it the right way and distractions so I don’t make myself go insane!!