What to do when all I want to do is ignore him and punish him?

[Usernameismyname01]

How do you deal with this situation?

Had an argument with DH, I was pissed if with him over something he said to me and how that made me feel. I told him this and rather than say sorry, it wasn't meant to come across that way he proceeded to shout me down, tell me that what I felt from what he said was wrong as it wasn't meant that way.

His voice was raised, fingers were pointed at me, got called a knob and why was I having a go at him after he had been ill with covid for 3 days, classy!

I am so angry and hurt and just wanted to cry. He won't entertain the conversation again, so it's pointless to bring it up.

What would you do next? I can't bring myself to be civil to him so am ignoring conversation between us unless necessary and he thinks everything will be ok if he leaves it for a while, don't mention the situation and I'll come round BUT the conversation will not be discussed again unless I want another argument.

I know I shouldn't ignore/stone wall him but how do I show him he's pissed me off massively if I go back to holding normal conversation.

Please help, I feel like im stuck in a cycle of the same outcome and not sure how to change it.

Has he always been like this? It sounds horrible to live with.

Can you just explain, "I am your wife not a punchbag of any kind, waving fingers, belittling my thoughts and feelings, banning any further discussions around topics are not behaviours of a husband. I am so disappointed in you, your behaviour was that of a bully. So until you can behave as a husband should I won't be behaving as a wife this means do your own laundry bully-boy"

Something along those lines.

Ignoring him might be giving him "a bit of peace for a few days," in his mind. You need to also not do anything for him. Actions speak louder than words.

Do couples never just row anymore and say what’s on their mind at the time and clear the air and move on…by that I mean loads of posts Dh did this and said that they were angry and i didn’t respond in any way other than to be polite and keep a calm manner then come on here to see if he’s a wanker for raising his voice and how dare DH be angry and show any emotion that isn’t calm and loving

Depends on context.

What upset you in the first place?
Is he always like this or was it a one off?

Is the relationship generally good or does he have form for this sort of thing?

I would talk it out, say I think we need to get better at handling conflict and can’t go on either shouting or ignoring each other. There must be a better way. Then each person say how how they felt, why they acted the way they did etc. Maybe agree a better way to handle stress in the future.

I don’t think silent treatment / ignoring etc are good responses to conflict. I would always talk it through and then make up (hopefully with a better understanding of each other).

Taking time to cool down until you can speak rationally is one thing. The "silent treatment" is something else entirely. Do you need to go back to the topic that p**d you off ? What do you think you will gain if you do ?. I would ignore the whole thing and go on wittering away about what's for tea or whatever. Leave him wondering what's going on. If HE tries to bring it up again....well that's up to you. I know what I would do, but it may not be right for you

I know I shouldn't ignore/stone wall him but how do I show him he's pissed me off massively if I go back to holding normal conversation

'You've pissed me off massively with the way you behaved and spoke to me. A happy relationship for me includes my boundaries being respected. If you can't do that, we'll need to have another look at why we're together. Let me know when you want to talk about it.'

I read posts like this
And I raise my seams and look to the heavens and thank the angels that I’m a single parent

Raise my arms!!

You both sound toxic. Ltb