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Original poster

Is my colleague flirting or just being friendly?

31 replies

KB1995 · 09/04/2022 22:44

I started a new job earlier this year and the whole business meets up once a month in the office - this always leads to a few drinks after work.

There is a colleague who is more senior than me that I often end up spending a lot of time with at the pub. We take the mick out of each other a lot and we make each other laugh, but I can’t tell if he’s flirting with me or just being nice as I’m new to the business. Day to day we don’t have much contact at work.

He tells me things in relation to work that he shouldn’t and seems to have my back a lot. However the last few times we have met I’ve felt him put his hand around my waist once or twice. We walk to the station together and hug goodbye, but this week he also kissed me on the cheek. He then messaged to check I had got the train okay.

The next morning he messaged me on Teams taking the mick out of something i had said the night before and asked if I was staying in London next week for the event the company is attending. He then messaged me again later to complain about his hangover.

He is married with young children and does talk openly about his wife and then, so I can’t work out if he is flirting or just being really friendly? I don’t have ill intentions but I want to understand if it’s appropriate or if I am just over thinking.

OP posts:
SylvanianFrenemies · 09/04/2022 22:45

Inappropriate.
He's a dick.
Don't be his next idiot.

Nopetryagain · 09/04/2022 22:49

Next time he touches you tell him to back the fuck off.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/04/2022 23:01

Flirting 10000%

Hiddenvoice · 09/04/2022 23:13

I think he is being incredibly inappropriate.
He is your senior, he shouldn’t be touching you. He is married, he shouldn’t be touching your waist and kissing your cheek.
He is flirting. If I were you, I would keep my distance, not go to the pub with him and talk with your boss if this continues.

itsmschanandlerbong · 09/04/2022 23:14

I would stay completely clear, definite red flags.

Eatprayrun · 09/04/2022 23:56

You know it’s inappropriate and it sounds like you might be hoping he is trying it on. This will not help your career or your personal life. Your colleagues have probably seen him do this before with other new staff.

MsDogLady · 10/04/2022 00:15

Divulging private work matters to establish a connection
Flirty banter
Arm around your waist
Hugging and now kissing you at the station
Messaging about his hangover and to check on your availability next week

He’s a Player who is escalating his moves. I daresay his Wife would be crushed if she witnessed the above. Are you still with your Partner?

Distance yourself pronto, KB. The attention may be an ego-booster, but you diminish yourself by being a part of this.

Maze76 · 10/04/2022 00:16

Married work colleague.. stay clear it will not end well.

chantico · 10/04/2022 07:20

He sounds awful.

Very inappropriate.. steer well clear

Or art job hunting again now - these scenarios always end up career limiting for the more junior o

Tlollj · 10/04/2022 07:29

Shouldn’t be touching you, hugging you, definitely not kissing you. Very inappropriate from a colleague. Keep clear.

GreyCarpet · 10/04/2022 08:07

I agree he's behaving inappropriately. His colleagues will have sen him do this before.

Unfortunately, people tend to just eye roll at men like this and expect more of the women to put a stop to it. Don't be that woman in the office that they all talk about.

Have some self respect and don't let it continue.

Doingmybest12 · 10/04/2022 08:09

I would say he is doing more than flirting. He is making his interest and intention abundantly clear. Completely inappropriate and he is sucking you in making you indebted to him,therefore very calculating re you naivety. Predatory I would say.

MushMonster · 10/04/2022 08:13

He was flirting, now is moving to touching! Do not reply to texts or any other and do not spend time with him!

NeedleNoodle3 · 10/04/2022 08:15

100% flirting/more than flirting.
Nip this in the bud.
Next time he puts his hand in your waist call him out in it or don’t spend the evening talking to him.
Stop all messaging, they are not needed if you hardly work together.

LadyLolaRuben · 10/04/2022 08:32

He's married OP and his behaviour indicates that he's trying to initiate a relationship. Its a definite no. I'd be doing whatever I could to pull away and not be in contact with him. This won't end well in or out of work

Didimum · 10/04/2022 08:34

God, his poor wife and kids. How can you give him the time of day knowing this is how he treats his family?

BlancheB · 10/04/2022 08:35

How can you not tell that it's inappropriate behaviour? Putting his arm around your waist? He's married, what a creep!

He's unprofessional to tell you about work stuff that he shouldn't. The rest of the team have probably seen it all before Hmm

Butfirstcoffees · 10/04/2022 08:42

Being inappropriate. Wether he is trying for an affair or just likes flirting, you need to distance yourself.

He is a creep

Freddy12 · 10/04/2022 08:42

Dodgy AF
He is clearly ramping things up
Asking if you are staying over he will probably offer to walk you back
If not longer hugs etc more touching etc
As others have said take great care

Whispers1988 · 10/04/2022 14:59

I hope you're not flattered by this attention because personally I'd be insulted if someone married thought they stood a chance with me. Do his poor wife a favour and send her an anon letter letting her know what a creep he is. It probably will confirm what she already suspects.

Whispers1988 · 10/04/2022 15:00

Also you're new to the job so could well be fresh meat to him, he way well be the office sleaze.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 10/04/2022 15:10

Just because a man is interested in you, doesn't mean you have to reciprocate. You are not The Chosen One.

Your co-workers are already talking about you. They have seen him do this before with other new female employees. This will ruin your job if you let it. Don't be flattered. You are a statistic.

Violetfae · 14/12/2022 18:17

Whispers1988 · 10/04/2022 14:59

I hope you're not flattered by this attention because personally I'd be insulted if someone married thought they stood a chance with me. Do his poor wife a favour and send her an anon letter letting her know what a creep he is. It probably will confirm what she already suspects.

This

5128gap · 14/12/2022 18:27

He is not your friend.
You don't have a connection.
He doesn't have your back.
He's not interested in your work.
He isn't messaging you because he's enjoying your wit and banter.
He is expecting to shag you in London.

Zanatdy · 14/12/2022 18:29

Sounds flirty to me and I was about to say go for it when I read he’s married. I’d bring his wife up if he says anything appropriate or tries to slip his arm around you again