Advice for living together successfully

[InRoseBlush]

I'm moving in with my boyfriend in the next few weeks and I really want it to go well so I thought I'd seek the advice of you wise lot! I've never lived with a partner before, so I'm sure it'll be a big adjustment.

So, what is your best piece of advice about living with a partner? Any tips for a harmonious home would be so appreciated!

And don’t turn into something you aren’t OP — because i did the ‘cook lovely homemade stuff every night’ bit for maybe4 months and then it became expected!! Be true to yourself right from the off!!

I think I will be in the minority but 8 years after meeting my partner, 5 years living together and I’ve still never farted in front of him 😂 I’ve had a baby (c-section) but I have no clue how I’d have got through that situation otherwise. We have separate bathrooms and I would rather die than mention any sort of embarrassing bodily issues to him 🙈 He does the same with me though and has never farted in front of me either! I think this is extremely unusual for a guy but it’s like because I haven’t let my standard drop, neither has he. Ruth (from Eamon and Ruth) said she does the same. For me it means he’ll still fancy me because he hasn’t seen/heard EVERYTHING 😂 It’s working for us so far 🤷🏼‍♀️
Other than that I’d said finances and jobs around the house are the two main potential areas for causing arguments. Take charge of the finances early on, get direct debits etc set up, have it all coming out a joint account with you both paying in equal each month then there’s no reason for that to be an issue. The jobs around the house thing is the one that’s harder to avoid 🤦🏼‍♀️ My friend casually let slip the other day that they have a full on spreadsheet of household tasks to do each when she said ‘when Scott or I are scraping the stairs (with a dog hair scraper) every Thursday or every second Sunday’
I just died off a bit inside when she said this. Yes you need some sort of routine to make sure jobs get done but what is the point in living if you’re going to micromanage every task down to that level 🙈
Good luck, hope it goes well!

Just reading other comments and seeing ‘don’t spend all your time together’.. would agree with this. The strangest thing I found was when we first moved in he was sitting on the sofa watching tv and I really wanted to go for a bath. Prior to this we would spend time together in our parents houses or my flat where he would come to visit me so I’d never have just got up and gone off for a bath. I found it so strange that it wasn’t a ‘visit’ any more and we could spend as much or as little amount of time together as we wanted 😂 it was strange getting out of the habit of the ‘what do you want to do’ thing

Don't fall into the habit of jobs becoming "yours" because you enjoy the novelty of them when you first live together! When DH and I first moved in together I did most of the cooking. I worked slightly shorter hours, loved reading recipe books, shopping for nice ingredients, cooking with a glass of wine, music on etc. Even when our first DC was a baby I quite enjoyed handing him over to DH and having a bit of time to myself in the kitchen! Fast forward a few years - all the family cooking being my job became a real chore and a source of some resentment.

On the sort of flip side, unless there are real issues, I always feel things are better between us when we try and think kindly of each other. So, DH hasn't done X because he's tired/stressed/forgot rather than being pissed off that he hasn't done something. Obviously that doesn't work if someone is taking advantage and the other person picking up the slack but if generally most stuff is 50/50 then letting the odd thing go is worth it.

Pick your battles and sometimes let it go.
Have fun. Be kind.

Overall the load has to be equal. DH is a workaholic, even more than 30 years on. When we met, he was skint and struggling whilst I owned a house and earnt a lot of money but I was nearing burn out.

Ultimately we share similar values: ambition, religion, politics, etc. We are.also both grafters. However I did support his career then and now and whilst he left the house at 7 and got back at 9.30 I picked up everything at home. When I went back to work when dd was in reception he supported me and our contraventions to life and the team remained equal. We are both quite independent and need our space.

More than 30 years ago now, we also had a pre-nup to safeguard my equity.