Sister's bf

[dewsv231]

My sister has been seeing someone from a totally different background for a while. I won't mention the country as could be outing (it's somewhere in Middle East, a Muslim country). They met at uni (he came to UK for uni, all his family are back home) and have been together about 3 years. Our family have all warmly accepted him and welcomed him into our lives and homes. Always include him in family parties and get togethers. He's even been on holiday with us a couple of times.
On the other hand, he seems to be hiding my sister from his family... There's always an excuse why she can't go to meet them (excuses from him I mean). Sometimes language barrier, cultural diffs, other times he's blunt about saying his parents want an arranged marriage for him.
I believe he initially told his mum about my sister in the early days but the mum reacted badly, threatening that he'd been disowned. Shortly afterwards his dad phoned him and 'made' him dump my sister. Sadly he did it but begged her to get back with him for another chance a week later. This was on the understanding that he'd start dealing with his parents and stopping hiding the relationship or being pushed around by them.
They're ignorant, illiterate and unedcated people in a rural village. No education. He on the other hand came to UK for get his PhD and has amazing prospects now he's graduated. The family back home are quite content to take his money (he subsidises them as dad retired and mum never worked). yet feel they're in a position to push him around.
For context, he's nearly 30 so not some young kid.
My family and I (as well as of course my sister) are getting tired of his charades and family pressure.
Sister isn't ready to give up on him, keeps saying he'll eventually wake up and stand up to his parents. From what we know so far, I'm not convinced.
Love marriages aren't a thing in his family. Most marriages in his family have involved cousins and other relatives.

Well after 3 years i think its quite clear what the situation is and he isn't going to suddenly dump his family.
I guess your sister either accepts that or leaves him.

Is she prepared to convert to Islam? Bring their children up as Muslim? If not then i doubt it's going to work, he's clearly not standing up to his family. Also I doubt they will disown him as that'd cut off the cash flow.

I would run for the hills. Even if he was to marry her, he will without a shadow of a doubt bring his parents over to the UK to live with him as the tradition is for parents to live with eldest son. Your sister will be treated like garbage.

My mum is from India, and I have seen this happen so many times. Your sisters BF has been raised in this environment, he will not rock the boat. His parents will not accept her and he will not take her side over theirs. I’m sorry but your sister should either walk away or have the conversation about what happens when his parents turn up on their doorstep.

Well if he returns home his employment prospects aren't going to be great and he'll earn more here and his parents expect money from him so going home isn't an option.

His parents are either expecting him to marry a girl they chose and have her move to the U.K to be with him or the same scenario and they arrive to live in the U.K too unless they other local children to help with the day to day things.

Or is he expecting to end up with an east is east film type scenario with a wife living abroad and a secret British wife in England?

I have friends who have converted to Islam to be with their husbands;their in laws have welcomed them into their families though including those with families (in laws) who lived in Turkey and Syria but it doesn't sound as though his parents will accept her even if she converted.

I do feel for your sister's boyfriend;he has the odds stacks against him;you've mentioned that his family are from a rural village and aren't well educated.People like his parents will be afraid of the unknown and extremely dependent on their own cultural traditions and religious ideologies;living any differently is unimaginable and they're probably worried about being judged by other people and having shame brought upon the family because that's their world.

Why is this your business? Your sister is a big girl I'm sure she's capable of being in a relationship without your help. If she asks, let her know how you feel otherwise butt out.

TBH there's a really shitty tone of superiority throughout your whole post OP. Just because they want their son to follow a certain path, doesn't make them terrible people. The issue is the bf's lack of balls standing up to his parents, not the parents themselves.

I think the issue is with his parents, and it's not necessarily a case of 'standing up to them.'
He must know that his parents hold very entrenched views about their religion and maybe he doesn't want to upset them.

As they are in different countries, and as lacking in education as your post says (a little unkindly), they are unlikely to turn up on the doorstep. Would they be able to cope with the flight, the documents needed, the transport system in the UK?

Your sister might have accepted that, but you sound as if it's a problem for you. I would leave it alone, on the basis of 'least said, soonest mended.'