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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me unravel this

4 replies

Mywifenow · 09/04/2022 04:25

t’s long and I know the answer but I need to talk. I’m numb and I feel so sad and have no one to talk to so I’ll just start at the beginning.
I had my DD at 15, at 19 my Dsis killed herself, she was 22 and a few months later I met my now H. He wasn’t overly interested but i promised to never leave and here we are 22 years later and it’s been horrible all along really. I had to save face and pretend it wasn’t an awful relationship even though all my loved ones could see it . He’s an alcoholic, I’m probably codependent.
We’ve just come back from a week abroad and it was an absolute nightmare to tread on eggshells 24/7. I think it broke me.

His DD visited tonight and he was berating her. I pulled her aside and said it doesn’t have to be like this I’m thinking of leaving, we’d be ok and she went mad and said how dare I And he’s ended up going to stay with her for the night.
There’s loads more. My dog is very ill. I wish I could leave. The promise I made, the insinuation is that he’d kill himself and he probably would. I haven’t thought straight for ages.

OP posts:
Drawerofcrap · 09/04/2022 04:35

It wouldn't be your fault if he did something to himself. It's a form of emotional control/abuse to get you to do what he wants.

It sounds like you're aware of yourself and how damaging this relationship is, so I'd carry on and leave; you are doing the right thing.

Put yourself first.

Good luck.

GeneLovesJezebel · 09/04/2022 07:15

You do not need to honour your promise.
You’ve given it a good go and made yourself unhappy in the process.
His mental health is not your responsibility, what he chooses to do is no reflection on you.
Free yourself.

girlmom21 · 09/04/2022 07:16

I bet he's made a lot of promises he never stuck to.

Leave him and let yourself be happy.

Weatherwax13 · 09/04/2022 07:20

Leave him. You don't deserve this. He's a git and not your responsibility.

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