Do I Keep Pushing DH to Move Overseas When FIL is Elderley, and SIL Il?

[Highlander]

ILs are very elderly but independant. FIL has mild dementia (fine during day, confused at night but has an anti-psychotic for night). SIL has secondary cancer but is very stable and has been told she will have a normal life unless the cancer will spread to her lungs. She's on a new-ish drug and data doesn't exist for life expectancy for this drug and pre-menopausal women.

We don't see much of the ILs, partly I think because DH finds it all a bit of a shock to see his family ill. he has to be told to go and see them and help them for any hospital appts. He's actually only ever gone home about twice a year anyway.

We have a chance to go back to North Amewrica in about 2 years time. I'm mad keen, DH is unsure. It's not been said yet, but he'd feel ghuilty about leaving family, even though we don't see them much. To be blunt, FIL will probably die before then.

When we were overseas last time, DH was home within 24 hours to be with his sister when she was in hospital, and we came back to the UK (mostly at my insistence) becasue her prognosis was uncertain.

I want to support DH, but Oh God, I want to go back to Canada. Am I being totally selfish? Should I shut up and steer DH toward family responsibility? BTW, DH would never move back to be closer to his family.

no, of coure you are not being totally selfish. But that doesn't mean per se that you are right or that there is an easy solution. I think I have understood that you are from Canada and your DH from the UK. If that is the case, this kind of issue will always come up. I believe that home is always home and ultimately it calls us back to where we belong. It seems that this is what is happening to you now. Perhaps it is a question of balance. If you compromised by living here - and have done so for some time now - maybe now is the time for DH to do the same in return and let you live where you feel most comfortable too. Unfortunately once we get over 30, there is never a good time to pull one or other partner away from their home country as by that age we are well into the realms of having elderly parents who may be to greater or lesser degrees infirm. No right or wrong answer I am afraid, other than to hope that you and your DP can find a middle ground which works for you both and both your families.

Good luck