My mum passed away towards the end of last year and ever since my cousin, who I have had little contact with for over 20 years, has been texting me. I still live with my dad and am now bitterly regretting not moving out. My dad is elderly and has various health problems, so ever since his sister and her husband, who live in our village, have been coming round regularly to see us, sometimes bringing food etc. I have had very little contact with any of them for the past 20 years, so this feels very strange. My uncle had my mobile number from when he was giving my mum and I lifts to the hospital before she died and he passed this on to my cousin (their daughter), which is how this came about.
My cousin and I were quite close as children, but drifted apart during our teens and especially after we left school, as we had less in common as we got older, so I am uncomfortable with her keep texting me now asking how I am (which is difficult to know how to respond to when you are grieving), if I want to go places etc. She even gave my number to someone we were friends with at school, who I have also not seen since then, who texted me shortly after my mum died. I was a bit taken aback and didn’t respond, but I thought it was quite rude of my cousin to give her my number. I think it was an idea that she and her parents came up with, as they know I don’t really have friends, but I have never really wanted them, as I was always happy doing things with mum or on my own. I realise I may need them at some point in my life, especially once my dad is gone, but I would rather find them myself if and when I choose to. This wasn’t helped by my mum asking them to look after me after she had gone ( I think she thought my dad wouldn’t last long), but due to her illness she wasn’t thinking clearly towards the end and knew I would have hated this.
I regret not moving out, as I think perhaps if they could see I was living an independent life they would not have got so involved. Now I am stuck here with them all talking about me/treating me like a child (I am early 40s) and everything gets reported back to my dad.
My cousin only moved back to our village quite recently after living elsewhere with her boyfriend. They are still together, but I really wish she would move back there to live with him.
For various reasons I have not yet returned to work and I’m afraid that when I do I won’t have any excuses not to meet up, as she will take it that I am getting back to normal. I have thought about changing my phone number and coming up with an excuse as to why if anyone else asks. I’m not interested in a relationship with her and just want her to leave me alone, but am not sure how to get her to. I thought she had given up, as I hadn’t heard from her for a month until today when I got 2 texts (she had previously been texting me weekly). Will she just give up eventually if she doesn’t get anywhere with me?