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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Talk some sense into me!.. he’s lovely isn’t he

14 replies

animalscooby1 · 08/04/2022 15:03

I’ve had a rough few weeks for various reasons such as mental health. DP admitted my anxiety and recent adhd diagnosis has taken its toll on him - he’s been so supportive but quite frankly I’ve been a mess, very insecure etc. He said he’d never leave me and wants to stick by me as he just wants to see me happy, but it’s drained him. I’ve agreed to get professional help and taken responsibility, and we seem to be moving forward. Genuinely he’s been so so supportive and loving, does his very best. As a result of him saying he’s been drained though (and to be honest I have been HARD work and surprised he’s still here) I’m now paranoid he loves me less (he always denies this)!

We’re going away tomorrow night which will be amazing and I was going to spend tonight packing and having a film night with DP (we don’t live together). My friend has texted asking if I want to go to a local gig.

I told DP this and he said I should definitely go, for a girls night, said he’d love to come but feels it should be just me and the girls. He said he wants me to go out, enjoy myself, dress up and said he’s excited for me to come home. He even said he’d give me money towards a drink (as I’m quite skint atm as I was on sick leave) and will pick me up after.
I said he seemed quite keen for me to leave and he said “i’m not keen babe I just want you to be happy, and being out might do you some good 🥰 I value the time you get with your mates and I’ll be excited for you to come home after”.

Please someone knock some sense into me! My stupid paranoid brain tells me he wants rid of me and to spend less time with me.
This is lovely behaviour right?? Someone healthy and loving???

OP posts:
layladomino · 08/04/2022 15:05

Yes this is good, normal, loving behaviour. Enjoy it!

Shgytfgtf111 · 08/04/2022 15:10

I think he sounds great! Try to not sabotage it and just enjoy yourself.

Im pleased he was honest that your MH has taken its toll on him too, many people just bottle it up and become resentful.

NewYearCalavicci · 08/04/2022 15:10

He sounds like a lovely guy.
Go out with your friends have a drink or two ( don't know mad you don't want to feel rough in the morning if you're supposed to be travelling) enjoy the evening.
And gave a great break tomorrow.

He is definitely a keeper

litterbird · 08/04/2022 15:13

Hi OP, my close friend has just been diagnosed with ADHD and she is going through the exact paranoia and self doubt with her husband as you are. Almost carbon copy. Please remember you are not alone and I am right now reassuring her that its ok to go out with the girls tonight (she is coming out with me and other friends). Her husband has been encouraging her to get out and about and she thinks its because he doesnt want her around. Dont let your brain go around in circles. Go out and enjoy yourself. It seems like you both have had a very draining time and need to start enjoying yourselves with friends and together as a couple.

animalscooby1 · 08/04/2022 15:13

Thanks all, needed to hear that I think!
I defo have a history of self sabotaging and feel I’ve nearly done it in this relationship too. He said not long ago he was struggling and felt he couldn’t do anything right.
My brain tells me things could always be better/aren’t quite right and it’s exhausting!

Think I’m going to go hug him extra tight when I see him later 😀Flowers

OP posts:
animalscooby1 · 08/04/2022 15:25

Am so silly sometimes! He even made a new fb account and his old pic was us two and his new picture is just him - I automatically think he loves me less!

OP posts:
animalscooby1 · 08/04/2022 17:24

Just ready to go out and he’s giving me a lift and doing “boyfriend duties” as he says. He’s sweet hahaha. Still have niggling feeling but know I’m being so silly.
Thanks all!

OP posts:
NewYearCalavicci · 09/04/2022 01:50

I hope you had a good night out @animalscooby1 , what band did you see. ?

animalscooby1 · 09/04/2022 09:31

It was great thank you! It was one of my friends brothers small bands Smile

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/04/2022 09:33

I’ve got an anxious make friend and I’m pretty anxious myself
I’d say the exact same to him !
Part of maturity is working with peoples frailties

NewYearCalavicci · 09/04/2022 11:54

Aww I am glad you had a good time , I hope you are off somewhere nice today and enjoy yourself and you and DP get to relax and reboot

animalscooby1 · 09/04/2022 19:09

We are off to spain for a much needed week of doing absolutely nothing @NewYearCalavicci 😊 thank you for your kind words!!! Flowers

OP posts:
NewYearCalavicci · 10/04/2022 10:05

@animalscooby1 , Ahh sitting around the pool or on the beach in the sun with a great man and a lovely meal in the evening ,

me am I jealous ? noooo , not at all , not one little bit , nope , honest Blush

Opaljewel · 10/04/2022 11:27

Look up rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I have suspected ADHD and it's so painful to have the rejection dysphoria part. It might make a lot of sense to you. Flowers

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