Getting married in two months and having doubts

[southernanchor]

This is my first time posting on here but I feel in an emotional dilemma that I'm not sure where to turn.
I am getting married in two months' time. We have recently bought a house together and have a happy relationship. We have been together for 12 years with a break of about 18 months in between. I originally called off our relationship quite suddenly because I wasn't sure I was 'in love' -- I didn't feel physically attracted to him and didn't really want/enjoy sex. He felt more like my best friend or brother.
When we split up we still kept in touch, which I realise now was a mistake. I saw other people but he didn't. I think I kept him there as a safety net. We had a conversation, which led us to get back together that felt a bit like an ultimatum -- we get back together or we never see eachother again. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and so we got back together.
We are still best friends, and get on so so well, we hardly ever argue. However, the sexual attraction is still missing. I don't know whether I am aspiring to a love/relationship that does not exist, but I really want to be in a partnership where I feel lust. I am attracted to other people, and have cheated when drunk. I feel terrible about it, and can't imagine what telling him would do to him -- I really don't want to hurt him, or for him to realise who I really am.
I have told him that I am starting to have doubts about getting married, and that we should get counselling, which he has agreed to. I am now not sure what to do. I feel like I really need to be completely honest with him, but I just don't know how to be. I also don't know what the hell is going on with me and why I am not satisfied with someone who just wants to give me the world.

I was in exactly the same position as you were a few years back - we weren't engaged - but we'd been together 8 years and were very settled before I ended it.

It took me drunkenly snogging a guy from work to end the relationship.

I think looking back that he was always more in love with me than I was with him. I did love him in many ways and he was a really great guy, but in reality he was like a best friend, and the sexual side of our relationship started to lack towards the end. I definitely was very 'comfortable' with him, and almost in a twisted way the fact that I always knew he would love me no matter what gave me the ick...it sounds terrible, but it's true.

He's now in a relationship with someone who is probably much more suited to him and I'm genuinely happy for him.

On the flip side, i've recently come out of a relationship with someone who I had great sexual chemistry with for our entire 6 year relationship - but everything else was off, so it's proven to me that sex isn't everything.

However, i'm hopeful that there's someone out there for all of us who we have mental and physical attraction for, which in my opinion are both of equal importance.

Don’t do it. Your gut is telling you no for a reason.

Don't do it 13 years later and 2 kids I am thinking of breaking it off to be honest never wanted to jump his bones but I am looking else where at no that isn't fair on him

I would call this off before the wedding.

Look, you've tried. You weighed things up and went for comfort and stability after a break. Nothing wrong in wanting those things but you're not happy and are having your head turned. That's not fair. If you choose this route then it's only fair to commit to it fully.

I know you had a kiss when drunk, not a full on sexual affair but I get the impression it's a matter of time until.someone really catches your eye and is interested back. Far better to leave on these current terms when there is genuinely nobody else (it doesn't sound like you're carrying anything on with the man you kissed?) than for the relationship to totally disintegrate and hurt your partner so much more.

If you hadn't said you were getting interested in other people (beyond the normal, human, clocking of someone attractive) then I would be more inclined towards your suggestion of counselling but there's nothing worse than being in love with someone who has one eye elsewhere. I think the honourable thing here is to move on.