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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice- struggling to cope with MIL

28 replies

dogsandcoffee · 08/04/2022 11:10

My dh’s relationship with his mother has been on a downhill slope for years and years. It’s now got to the point where he has told her he doesn’t want to see her anymore.

For a bit of background, her treatment of him is bizarre. She comes round and makes nasty comments about our house/ our parenting/ our food/ our children not doing the 11 plus/ etc etc etc and it’s horribly awkward when she’s here, but it’s like she has no consciousness of it and wants to come round constantly, then cries and uses dreadful manipulation if we say no. When, for example, we moved half an hour away she phoned us up and wailed down the phone about how we have abandoned her and started bringing up dh’s beloved deceased dad, which really upset him.

Anyway, back to now. She left it a few weeks after dh said no more contact and then went back to emailing him as if nothing had happened, asking to meet up at Easter. I stupidly offered to take on the burden of her emails as he is stressed out of his mind with her constant messages to him asking him to call her or come round. (She is blocked on his phone).

I’m now getting battered with emails instead. I said to her that she needs to respect his wishes and leave him alone. I got a manipulative email back saying dh is obviously mentally unwell and she hopes I get him the help he needs!! Confused

I simple replied saying he is fine thanks and to respect his wishes and that I won’t engage with her further.

Personally I think we need to block her on email too but dh thinks we need to read her emails in case she threatens us with legal action over seeing dc.

I’m now horribly anxious waiting for her next email to drop!

OP posts:
Cyw2018 · 09/04/2022 12:23

@dogsandcoffee

A parcel just came for her with Easter stuff in for dc. I opened it and there was a letter inside for them. It said ‘please persuade mummy and daddy to let me visit’. 😡

No I didn’t give it to them obviously.

She’s got it in her head that we are evil people who are seperated her from her gc but they can’t stand her and grit their teeth through her visits- she says weird things to them and is really awkward to be around.

Oh, I get these from my mother at regular intervals. She also likes to use any kind of family tragedy or drama as an excuse for contact (I have a brother and Aunts who keep me informed of anything i need to know).

I've also had her address a letter to DH telling him to MAKE me read a second letter enclosed. DH read my letter too and it all went straight in the recycling.

DD gets any gifts (unless they are totally impractical or crap from the charity shop donated for a good reason) as they are not mine to throw away.

It's all fun and games, and I wonder what she will come up with next!!

Also, OP, you area a fantastic person for gatekeeping on your DHs behalf.

weathervane1 · 09/04/2022 19:57

My advice is to not destroy texts, emails, letters or parcels. Keep all of it, make a timeline record (eg on dd/mm/yy we received a letter stating xyx etc). It's important to have a contemporaneous account of her behaviour and show the frequency and volume of her interference etc. Treat each missive from her as a gift to be savoured and noted on your timeline.

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 09/04/2022 20:15

Mil hasn't bothered with ds his first year.. Sent him a card and gift for his birthday.. I sent it back recorded delivery..

Told dh afterwards.. He was happy with my decision.

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