Can anyone explain this type of behaviour please?

[Luckystar1]

My mother and I have never had a great relationship. It has ebbed and flowed but fundamentally I have no trust in her and feel like I can’t rely on her or my father to provide any sort of consistent support to me or my family.

We see each other maybe once a week, for about an hour. We don’t talk really aside from that.

I have noticed a theme to my parent’s interactions with other family members though in the extended family and wondered if anyone has any insight into it?

Every few months (6 months - a year or so), they will become deeply enmeshed with another member of our family’s family (so will speak to them lots, meet up, go to family events etc etc). They will refer to them endlessly to me, shower lots of attention on their children, basically go on as though they are their ‘primary’ family.

This will usually come to a fairly abrupt halt after a period of time, and they will usually move on to another family member.

Has anyone any insight into why this would happen?

As I say, I try and keep them at arms length as I find interacting with them stressful and damaging for all manner of reasons, not least this constant referencing of another family as if they are so important when they barely see or speak to us.

Thanks!

You mum sounds like a narcissist

Do these cycles ever come after a disagreement/argument with you or some other kind of failing on your part (in their eyes of course)?

@ldontWanna not as far as I’m aware particularly. But in all honesty, I probably manage to slight her/them at every encounter so it’s impossible to really know!

Lots if people have fads on other people. All over them for a while, can't do enough for them, then when they're bored, or the person inevitably disappoints, isn't grateful enough to them or commits some other misdemeanor, they move on. It's a bit like people who crave the novelty and intensity of new relationships but get fed up when it settles and the honeymoons over. I tend to think they just have short attention spans.

I wouldn’t call once a week keeping someone at arms length 🤔

Narcissistic hoovering and manipulating you to feel less valued in order to control you.