Is this abuse from my brother?

[loulou1111]

As context I am 21 and recently lost both my parents within the space of 8 weeks of each other. I have had to deal with everything alone and pay for most of the funeral, debts etc myself. My brother is 15 years older than me. As agreed by us both, I moved into my parents house. There's been issues ever since, he lets himself into my house and takes things but won't tell me what. He comes round drunk and starts shouting in my face, I get called all names under the sun. I'm scared to leave my house incase he comes round while I'm not there. I don't know what to do. And I've got a feeling it's only going to get worse. I don't really have anyone to speak to about this.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP- what a massive thing to have to go through at such a young age. Do you work/ go to university?
You brother is welcome to get as angry as he likes, but he MAY NOT shout at you, or wander into your house without permission. Absolutely ask the land lord to change the locks. Your brother is using you as an emotional punching bag, and you don't deserve it. It's ok if he gets angry- that's on him.
I would suggest telling the landlord why you are changing the lock so that your brother doesn't manipulate to get a new key.
But you need to distance yourself- maybe not forever, but until he reliably stops treating you that way. Doesn't mean you have to go no contact if you're not ready for such a step, just regulate what contact you do have.

Is he married/ with a partner?

First I would speak to the solicitor who dealt with the will - if there was one. You need to sort legal position first.

I agree speak to the landlord, tell them what you've told us, how scared you are to leave, that he lets himself in when drunk to shout at you, etc. Hopefully they can change the locks. Once that's done, phone the police if he kicks off, starts shouting outside your door, or any other intimidating behaviour. Has he always been like this?

Sorry for your loss

This is definitely abuse by your brother. If you're too scared to just change the locks, and you have no one else around, would you consider moving somewhere else and not telling him where you are?

[quote Gingernaut]**@TheDayOf* and @StopStartStop*

The "See All" function on the OP's posts is your friend.[/quote]
I use it, believe me.

I still get things wrong.

The house is rented so:
Call the police. Your brother has no more right to enter your home than a stranger on the street does.
The police will advise lock changing. Inform your landlord or ask the police to do so. If there’s a management agent or housing association then the police will speak to them for you.
Then get the locks changed.
Your brother turning up at your home and getting angry —- he will be treated the same as any other person who dies this. You call the police —-999 if he is threatening, drunk, shouting, whatever. Do not be afraid to call on the police. They are there to help you.
He will probably receive a police caution, ordering him not to return to your address. If he does you call 999 and he’ll be arrested.
Stay firm on this. Do NOT let him into your home as your safety is at stake.
I’m sorry for your loss, that must have been so hard for you.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through and what you're going through. Losing both parents so close together would be awful at any age, but it's an awful lot to deal with at 21.

I agree re reporting to the Police. Also if it's just your name on the tenancy, changing the locks, and telling your landlord what's happening.

Do you have any relatives or family friends who can offer you support? Anyone who could help intervene with your brother?

So it's a rolling tenancy so realistically I could leave at any time. However, that house is the only thing that makes me feel close to mom & dad and I'm not ready to leave that yet. It was my family home until I moved out and he has never lived there (hence why we agreed I move in). It all just feels too much. I'm going to speak to womens aid, thank you for the advice. I've been in an abusive relationship before and all of this with my brother just brings it all back so I usually just stay quiet and let him say what he says because I'm too scared to stand up for myself and he knows that. I think that's half of why he does it as a "power" move kind of thing? And knowing I'm too scared to do anything about it. Thanks all for the advice!

@loulou1111

The house is rented - they don't own the house and I'm the only one on the lease now. They passed within 8 weeks of each-other not 8 weeks ago. If i change the locks it's just going to make him angrier. I feel so isolated and stuck

You have to change the locks OP and you need to call the Police if he comes around and threatens you

Very straightforward as you’re the only one on the tenancy, change the locks ASAP. You can call the police if he comes round and tries to get in.

If you did move house, would you keep in touch with your brother? Would you pass on your address?

If you wanted to you could say that you lost your keys and the landlord replaced them.

Is it private rental OP, or through a housing association? If it's housing association then they should be able to advise you. Either way, if it's your name and your name only on the leases, then your brother has no right to enter without your permission, and you have every right to change the locks.

I know it's not that easy in practice though as he's still likely to come round shouting abuse, banging on the door, etc, and even if he can't get in this is still very scary. You have the right to feel safe in your own home so I would inform him you're going to call the Police if this continues. You're very young and you've just your parents, this makes you vulnerable and I would say your brother is definitely being abusive.

As PP have said, I would call Women's Aid for advice. Also have a look at your local council website as they should have details of local domestic abuse groups who will be able to help you too.

Do you have any friends of family members in real life who can support you?