How do I recover

[cleanbreak2022]

So some of you may remember my previous posts about exdp presenting as having a breakdown and turns out it was another woman.

The woman dumped him but I have found out now he is trying to fix things with her.

She has been in contact with me and expressed a total disregard for him on many many occasions, as recently as last week.

Last week he dropped that he was unable to have the children as planned this week as he was going away to get his head straight.

Left me with a very sick baby and no childcare.

I have since found out they have gone away together.

He left 4 months ago and I'm still struggling. Every time I uncover a lie it all comes back. Now she is lying to me too.

I just don't want to cope, I want to get back to living. I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment and my children to be sidelined in such a manner.

Why not just tell the truth and hurt me once, why keep coming back for more. Why do they want to destroy me and my family.

He knew her 6 weeks before he blew up our world, I'm looking at pictures from 6 months ago, just before they met, looking for clues and there wasn't any

Sorry, that sounds utterly devastating.
He knew her only 6 weeks before? Surely that's some sort of infatuation going on?

I’m sorry that you are going through this OP, it’s a simply terrible feeling and one that will get better with time. Sadly there is no quick fix.

I think it’s a good idea to cut all contact with the OW. She has her own agenda and you cannot rely on her to have your best interests at heart.

Do you have financial items and the house to sort out with your ex? Maintenance for example or has this been agreed? You need to focus on this area and get it straight as this will be the foundation for you & your children going forward.

It’s not easy but it will get better.

I really don't understand men that ditch their children after a relationship break down. Kind of makes me lose respect for them. My own dh did this (we are back together now) and it's the 1 thing I can't get past.
It's hard when you see your babies being rejected .
He will regret the way he treated them a year from now. He may even regret how he treated you , and what he has thrown away.
In my experience the only way to get through this difficult time is to mentally cut him off. Only speak to him through text regarding the children , don't engage him in any small talk . He will have re written the end of your relationship, making you out to be the bad one , (to ease his guilt) don't feed in to this .
It does get easier I promise.

@mistymoms yes, first date was 22 October, he walked out on us, 11th December

@WatieKatie I am cutting all
Contact with both. He has asked to talk tomorrow, I've said no, all communication via message. He has a habit of telling people I'm nuts. I'm also refusing to give the opportunity to twist things and put the kids in the middle of a row.

Financial terms are almost done, the house should be mine by end of month. Maintenance will be sorted after

@evrey yes, the relationship has been totally rewritten. He told her I ran off with a man two years ago, nope we were very much together.

He tells me he's making small steps to become a different man, even acknowledging he knows he lies for no reason! In the same breath tells me an out and out lie.

I want him to regret it with all my heart, he's just so rude and disrespectful to me. I told him after 15yrs and two children, whatever he thinks or believes there was love there once, and I deserve common courtesy

OP I've just finished an excellent book called 'How to win your breakup' by Natasha Adamo. The title is a bit cheesy, but there's a reason for it. I'd highly recommend it.

@littleburn thank you, I'll look it up

I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment and my children to be sidelined in such a manner

Why not just tell the truth and hurt me once, why keep coming back for more. Why do they want to destroy me and my family

Drop this line of thinking. He's done this, and it's incomprehensible to you because it's too shitty for you to get your head round. They are in a world of shittiness so far beneath you that you can't even understand what it's for or how it works.

Trying to understand is trying to dip a toe into their shitty world. Don't bother. However well you might come to understand it, it won't make it good or kind anyway.

They are beneath you.

@Watchkeys I'm trying to believe that, but I wasn't enough for a shitty human being, where does that leave me?

My kids have been rejected by their dad. My daughter has had an allergic reaction to penicillin at 18months old, she needed her dad. I needed support from the other parent, who is meant to love her with the power that I do and he's just walked away

@cleanbreak2022 You were too good for that shitty being

It leaves you in upheaval and in pain right now
But , in time - you gain your independence your security and your happiness again

It's a whole new chapter for you so just take each day as it comes and let those 2 liars revel in their own perfect little world .. for now
Wait till reality sets in 💐

@whoturnedthesunoff I really hope so, but for now, my soul feels shattered. I really believed in forever, come what may.

I was willing to give my forever, I have every ounce of my being to build our family. I dedicated myself to building us a stable home and beautiful future.

Now, I'm just a statistic, following the same old shit.

If I had been told the truth in December, I would be in a different head space, but I keep being dragged into lies and deceit and it's an ugly place to be.