Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Am I a clingy friend?

24 replies

princessaurora94 · 07/04/2022 14:11

Me and another mum have met up every week on a Wednesday since our boys were a couple of months old, they are now nearly a year old. We've done all sorts of things together and have a lovely friendship.

A couple of weeks ago she disclosed to me that she had been struggling a bit and been prescribed anti-depressants, I supported her and we've met up a couple of times since as usual.

I messaged her on Monday of this week to say I had a return to work meeting Wednesday morning so can we do the afternoon. She read it but didn't reply until Tuesday evening saying good luck for the meeting and she was sorry but she would have to leave tomorrow.

I said no problem, and was she free Thursday instead. She said 'yes but not sure what time'. So I replied ok just let me know, she said she would.

Lunchtime today I still hadn't heard so messaged her saying I was thinking of going into town in the afternoon if she fancied it. She put 'hey I'm sorry I would love to but I can't unfortunately'. I've said 'no worries, hope everything is ok?'. She has read but not responded.

I'm now concerned that either a) I've done something to upset her (I can't think of anything though) or b) her mental health has got worse, if so I would want to offer support if possible.

But also second guessing myself and wondering if she just doesn't fancy it this week and I'm being a clingy friend!?

Thoughts appreciated!

OP posts:

Briefly · 07/04/2022 14:13

I would leave it. There's no way of knowing more and she's made her wishes clear.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 07/04/2022 14:14

She’s probably just busy and distracted.

Furrbabymama87 · 07/04/2022 14:16

No I don't think you're being clingy but I think she obviously doesn't want to meet for whatever reason and you're not getting the hint. I think you need to just leave it and see if she gets in touch with you. It could be her mental health that's making her not want to go out and do stuff but there's only so much you can do with offering support, if you're not getting much back from the other person.

Original poster

princessaurora94 · 07/04/2022 14:37

Thanks all. I definitely will be leaving the ball in her court now but I just can't help but feel really paranoid about it all!

OP posts:

layladomino · 07/04/2022 15:49

Most times when someone is a bit 'off' with you, or slow to respond, or appears to be in a bad mood, it isn't about you. It's something that's going on in their life. They might just be having a bad day, or feel a but ill, or tired. Try not to take it to heart in the absence of any evidence that you've done anything wrong. It's much more likely that it isn't anything you've done.

She's either busy or having a bad week and needs some space for that, so give it to her. She may get in touch and restart the weekly visits next week, but you could let her take the lead when it comes to suggesting it, just to be sure.

Original poster

princessaurora94 · 07/04/2022 16:05

@layladomino

Thank you, I think that's really good advice.

It's my DD's birthday party at the weekend and she's invited to that, so I'll certainly let her take the lead on that and on meeting up next week.

OP posts:

LittleSnakes · 07/04/2022 16:12

Could it be about you returning to work?

Original poster

princessaurora94 · 07/04/2022 16:17

@LittleSnakes

Could it be about you returning to work?

This did cross my mind but I'm only going back 2 days a week so we will still be able to meet up (and she knows that)

OP posts:

LittleSnakes · 07/04/2022 16:55

Is the time that you are returning to work, the time that you would normally meet?

Watchkeys · 07/04/2022 17:15

@princessaurora94

Thanks all. I definitely will be leaving the ball in her court now but I just can't help but feel really paranoid about it all!

She's not bothering herself about you like you're bothering yourself about her.

There's no 'right' level of clingy. We're all different. The trick is to find people who like your clinginess-level, rather than people who respond in a way that makes you feel you messed up.

You might be too clingy for her, but that's about her preferences, and not a judgment of you.

lemongreentea · 07/04/2022 17:21

She wants to change the status quo and you arent getting the hint that she doesnt want to give exact reasons as to why.

I cant tell if you are a clingy friend or not from this but you do sound kind and as if its your responsbility to help her somehow and she seems like she doesnt want or need your help. Mostly likely nothing to do with you and the bsst help you could give her is to let her be.

Peppapigforlife · 07/04/2022 17:29

İs her MH is causing her issues it may be that she needs the routine and the change of plans was too much for her to shuffle around in her mind. She will probably be back to normal next week or the week after, just leave it be until nearer to a future Wednesday.

Kolani · 07/04/2022 18:12

hmm..difficult to say. I'm a bit like the friend in the OP, I'd be hoping the OP would get the hint I don't want to go out BUT then I wouldn't have said I'm free on Thursday, which is sending mixed messages. I'm on the side she doesn't want to meet up and OP should back off a little. if she changes her mind then it's up to her to contact you.

Original poster

princessaurora94 · 09/04/2022 17:38

Really appreciate the responses, thanks everyone. Obviously without her being open about it, its all guesswork.

It's her son's birthday today so I sent a quick message saying hope he has a nice day. No response. Beginning to think I have done something wrong but what, I don't know!

OP posts:

LittleSnakes · 11/04/2022 21:28

It doesn’t sound like you’re being clingy. She couldn’t make it so you tried to rearrange. That’s not clingy. God knows what’s going on but if her mental health is bad then maybe it’s that.

Gelasia · 11/04/2022 22:16

No, I have a clingy friend. If you really were one you wouldn't be on here asking this. You'd just be texting her again...

custardcustardmorecustard · 12/04/2022 05:04

Sorry OP but you're being way OTT, and in your friends shoes I would feel pressured to meet you. I would also feel that that no matter what day I said I couldn't make, you would come back with an alternative day and would keep going until you got an agreed day out of me. Exhausting

TheWayTheLightFalls · 12/04/2022 05:30

I don't think you are - I think you've (by mutual agreement) become accustomed to a certain amount of contact and a certain style of communication (prompt responses, more detail rather than vagueness) and she's now changed tack and you're left wondering why.

I've had similar. It's very unlikely to be about you, however much it hurts.

Flickflak · 12/04/2022 05:35

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Palavah · 12/04/2022 05:36

I don't think you're being clingy.
I'm wondering how many PP have struggled with MH because what you've descirbed sounds just like depression.

I think it's B.

UnsuitableHat · 12/04/2022 05:46

I don’t think you sound clingy, suggesting different times to do your normal meet-up. If you FEEL clingy though, like a bit overly agitated that she’s not replying to you, perhaps that’s something g to address with yourself.

LimeSegment · 12/04/2022 05:53

Trying to rearrange once isn't clingy, and if she didn't want to meet she could have just said "actually I'm a bit busy this week, see you on the weekend/next week/soon". Instead of inviting you to text her. So you haven't done the wrong thing, but at this point leave it.

I think you sound nice. I think I'm the opposite and am extremely sensitive to anyone trying to brush me off, to the point I've probably lost friends over not keeping up the communication.

Dairymilk50 · 12/04/2022 05:54

Are you aware of your friends support network OP?

I think it doesn't sound like you are clingy but if she said she's struggling maybe she can't face going out. Give her some space and perhaps call her in a couple of weeks directly.

Wildflowerbeauty · 12/04/2022 06:21

You sound like a lovely friend . Give her space and let her tex first and suggest the next meeting. In the meantime, make new connections , they may lead to friendships. Friendships come and go throughout life and even the solid ones can go . People change , friendships change , and sometimes unfortunately some people get jealous when their friend does well in life etc . Ask yourself’ if you had a friend like you , would you like her ?’ If the answers yes then be proud of who you are and stand tall x

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread