My ex and I had an unpleasant break up. We actually didn't speak for months, he got into another relationship. In the November after we separated, he came back saying he still loved me. I was in a vulnerable place and at that point we tried again. After a while I called it off again, aware nothing had changed.
Over the last year things between us had been up and down. I feel I have been clear about the fact I don't want to try and repair our marriage. I've held off the divorce until we were separed for 2 years, the law change came about the same time. I didn't want to go down the route of blame, as I knew it would cause unessesary acrimony. We have out own homes now, the marital home is sold, all joint debt is settled, the money split. We have between ourselves agreed a care arrangement for our daughter which has stood the test of 2 years.
His mood and behaviour sways between being ok, and cooperative and then vile refusing to speak, cooperate, slinging accusations etc. Usually his cooperative behaviour ends when I reinforce there us no future, and he passes his unpleasant behaviour off as sadness. I was very firm last year and told him there was not future for us together. I thought that was the last of it after doing this several times last year. After the usual unpleasantness he slowly started being more cooperative, which for me is the ultimate goal. I really, probably hopelessly, want to be able to co parent. But I thought this time was different ( ha ha ha) and we had reached a sort of equilibrium. Cue last night, with a conversation regarding the divorce where he reiterated he didn't want to divorce me. And once again basically accused me of leading him on, saying he wouldn't have put the effort in if he'd realised there was no hope of reconciliation.
He only seems to be able to be kind and cooperative if he thinks he will get something out of it. He seems to mistake my kindness and want to have a healthy relationship, with real affection and a desire to try again. Am I on to a non starter with Co parenting? How do I deal with it? I want to have a functional relationship for our daughter, but increasingly feel this is unreachable. How on earth do I proceed?