Do you think he’s hacked my phone ?

[MegMogandOg]

I have a recording app on my phone which I’ve used to record conversations with people when I am not able to write notes- mundane things agreed to by person I’m recording . I also recorded my husband shouting at me because I don’t understand what goes on in these “ conversations”and I am sure that he is ranting at me when he claims he is talking normally. Anyway in such a conversation tonight I told him that if I recorded him and plays it too anyone they would say the way he was taking to me was not ok and he said” you already do - you record me all the time” etc . So now I’m wondering if he has got into my phone somehow? Would you run ok this? How can I tell?

I don’t know the only way would be to see what apps you have downloaded. Location sharing etc

I presume he is going to be your ex ? Maybe he has unlocked your phone? Can you see what Google says?

I think the bigger issue here is that your relationship has gotten to a stage where you record him ranting / shouting at you. It's not for anyone to say if this is / isnt right... but surely doing it flags a wider issue in your relationship?

It doesn't matter. Your relationship is over anyway and you need to get out. Your self esteem will get even lower than it already is if you stay, and it must be pretty low for you to be asking this question.

Time to leave, clearly

I don't think it's normal to be recording him to be honest, not if you're not intending to use that recording for a specific purpose (e.g. if he was threatening you and you were going to take it to the police). It feels like a breach of trust, and if you're at that point then I agree with the PPs your relationship is over.

I feel trapped on the marriage because of difficulties relating to my children. I also feel unsure because some of the time he appears to genuinely love me. I am unsure of what is going on in our conversations and recording them can help me listen again to see what part I had in any misunderstandings. When he is very angry it also makes me feel safe - it’s not logical. I know it’s not normal. I’m deeply confused and Depressed.

You're confused because there are 2 parts of you and you don't know which one to listen to. 1 part of you is saying 'get out, now. You're scared and miserable and it makes sense because he might be dangerous', and the other part is telling you to be sensible, and that clearly you have a part in creating the misery, and perhaps there's something you can do to make it better, if only you could figure it out.

There's nothing you can do, because you are not creating his behaviour. Even if you're doing things that wind him up, he still is the one who chooses to get so angry that you don't feel safe; there are hundreds of other options available to him.

It doesn't matter what's normal, but it does matter that you're so unhappy. You can't stay in this relationship. The part of you that's telling you that is your heart, and you've probably silenced her all your life. Listen to her. Love her. Take care of her. Respect her. She is the only one who can produce the feeling of 'happy' in you, so if you don't look after her, you take away that possibility for yourself.

You have bigger issues than if he has hacked your phone.

Thank you watchkeys but my children will suffer dramatically from a divorce fir complex reasons relating to their additional needs and I cannot just listen to my own needs. I am also very isolated with no family really to fall back on so when he seems to love me I tell myself it’s valuable. The behaviour pattern is usually hw behaves badly , I withdraw, he then acts like a victim because I have withdrawn so I try to placate. I’m conversations he tends to raise his voice and sort of drive his point home,!8 tell him he’s shouting, he claims he’s talking normally, I then get so worn down and upset he then tells me I’m the one shouting- which I am by that point.

Your children will suffer from the horrible dynamic they live in. There will be help for you, to help you leave. You simply can't stay in this dynamic.

Have you contacted any external bodies? Women's Aid? Citizens Advice? Have you done a benefit check to see what you're entitled to?