Going round in circles!!

[WorkHardPlayHard1]

My husband and I seem to have the same arguments/bugbears constantly with no real resolution.

Can anyone solve this?

He thinks I dont show enough gratitude for my life and I am sick of him constantly minimising my contributions to our business which really presses my buttons!! Argh!

How do I show him gratitude and put an end to his patronising/diminishing me? Any tips? 👀

Why do you have to be the one showing gratitude? What a patronising attitude. You need to tell him what you are contributing and explain that you are a 50/50 partnership.

You solve it by telling him what the relationship you'd like to be in looks like. Then, if he doesn't support you in achieving that, you tell him it's over.

@Watchkeys

You solve it by telling him what the relationship you'd like to be in looks like. Then, if he doesn't support you in achieving that, you tell him it's over.

Thank you for your straight talking I appreciate it!

Yes will have a good think about this as need to know and communicate what I want!

It's not slogging myself to death for no good reason to be fair! 😜

I am the same, me and my dh are constantly going through the same battles.
I feel unappreciated and spend my life taking charge of everything from kids, to holidays, to chores.
We will have a chat, I have a bit of a breakdown from the pressure I feel under being responsible for it all, he spends the next few weeks slacking less, I praise and encourage to try and reinforce the behaviour and a few months later the cycle starts again.
I have no idea what the answer is as leaving someone isn't an easy option and not always what you want as you just want to find a resolution.

You vast vast someone else doesn't appreciate you into appreciating you. Someone respects you or they don't. If I were to hazard a guess at where you are going wrong, it's thinking that you can change yourself to fix him. You can't. And you need to start asking yourself what you need and what you want, and if this person if capable of making those changes for you. Because as is, it sounds like your feelings are not something he seems concerned about in the slightest. And that's not partnership material.

Fs that top line should read - you can't talk someone who doesn't appreciate you into appreciating you

Can you withdraw your input for a while? Divert some specific thing that he belittles back to him? Get a new job? Maybe you are not suited to working together.

Can you stop working for the business and get a different job earning your own money? It sounds like that might address both issues?

Do you have kids and does he also minimise your child caring role as well as your contribution to the business? (Just a guess!)

I have no idea what the answer is as leaving someone isn't an easy option and not always what you want as you just want to find a resolution.

But that only works if the other person also wants a resolution to what they see as your problem and if they agree on what the resolution should be. And if they are willing to makes changes that they perceive as being negative to them.

And what happens if they don't?