Divorce help for a Dad

[Dadwhocares]

My wife has ask for a divorce...its very early on but I need to be prepared.

Our circumstances are unusual....our home is owned by my family.

My wife wants the divorce, I have not intention of asking her to leave the family home...in fact im happy for her to come and go as much or as little as she wants for our 7yr old daughters stability....im very happy for my daughter live between us evenly split.

She is very emotional and upset and seems very bitter nothing untoward has happened on either side (I think mainly we have just fallen out of love) she has told me she is seeking legal advice. Im really worried she will cause upset for our daughter, who im am really trying to protect, I really want to keep it between us, and only tell her when something has been decided....but im struggling.

I'm concerned with my daughters welfare ( couldn't really give a hoots about finances) I really want to protect my daughter and both mine and my wife's relationship with her.

would really appreciate any advice?

Don't worry about potential bad behaviour before it starts to happen - if it does you will deal with what actually happens, but you may well find it doesn't.

It's cheaper to use mediation and then involve solicitors only tonset out what you are already agreed on.

You both need to disclose finances fully - including pensions and ownership of major assets.

Child arrangement orders are very important, so you need to sort out what is in your DD's best interests - - which may well include staying at same school and near friends. Will STBXW be able to afford somewhere large enough in that general areas?

I've messaged you mate a private mail. Just a suggestion. This isn't always a good site for divorcing Dad's

Have you spoken to her about what she wants?
Does she want 50:50 residency? Will she try for more? Where does she intend to live? Will you have to pay spousal ? What assets are there??

These are all the types of questions both of you will need to ask and work out

You seem to be assuming that you and your child will stay and your wife will move out and visit …..

@millymolls

Have you spoken to her about what she wants? Does she want 50:50 residency? Will she try for more? Where does she intend to live? Will you have to pay spousal ? What assets are there??

These are all the types of questions both of you will need to ask and work out

You seem to be assuming that you and your child will stay and your wife will move out and visit …..

Well he did did say the house was owned by his family. Be a bit weird if he left it. He also said he wanted 50 50 residency. Perhaps he's going to make sure she has suitable housing for her and their daughter...?

I second counselling/mediation. You need to talk and you need a third party to guide that

You seem to be suggesting that you and your dd stay in the home and your wife is welcome to come and go as she likes. She may well choose to get another home and she may well think that your dd will live with her part of the time. You don't get to choose for her.

You seem to be assuming that you and your child will stay and your wife will move out and visit …..

That'll be because neither of them own the house, his family does. So yes, she won't be the one that stays. And working out a fair settlement of the assets, in a way which includes the housing needs of the STBXW, will be an important part of mediation

Hi everyone thanks for the helpful views and advice…we don’t really have any assists…some savings no debt that’s it!…a bit unusual I no.

she will have to move out (as our home is owned by my family ) into here own home probably close by as both our family’s live around here.

I want to agree an even split of where my daughter stays…I’m thinking alternate weeks?

I’m also open to her coming and going from our family home if she wants to see our daughter more….is this weird?

do you think this is a good balanced approach?

Im think

It's prbably quite useful if you can communicate a reason she wants a divorce? I can't think of one woman I know who would be happy with 'Coming and going' from a previous family home unless the divorce was incredibly amicable?

Does she work or has she given up work to raise your DC?

I was really just trying be more accommodating to her….I’m ok with our daughter staying with her 1/2 the time….do I sound off suggesting this?

she does employed work part time….I work full time and earn the bulk of our income…she has always contributed.

We get on well outside the arguments she has a temper that flicks on V quickly V emotional, over sensitive …Im probably awkward, ocd and don’t really give her enough attention, make effort…she says I’m controlling….mostly around house tidying over protective of DD.

Im devastated I feel my family has been torn apart and my daughters childhood is going to be ruined!

You (or the courts) need to work out what's best for your daughter, not sure a week on week off rotation is going to look like the best arrangement. Will come down to how close together you end up living.

Perhaps a 'bird nesting' arrangement might be the best option, if the two parents can be amicable enough to make that work - your daughter would stay in the family home all the time, and you two parents take it in turns to be there. You'd then need a small place for the parent that isn't there to reside on their week off. Ideally you'd want a small place each, if that's financially viable.

I would say to try the separated dads website forum for guidance, but it seems to be down. Dadswithkids forum looks like it has similar content too.