Finding my father

[LAALAA130]

I'd like to find more information about my real father.
I was lied to for almost 50 years that the man who raised me was my real father. I have no respect for this man whatsoever, he has been an abusive alcoholic for as long as I can remember.
My mother was still married to her first husband st the time I was born. I recently uncovered some documents from the time I was born and I all of them refer to me as Baby .... the name of man she was married to at the time. The only document that has no fathers name on is my birth certificate.
A family member has told me a bit more about the circumstances surrounding my birth, and that they believe my mother hadn't actually met who I believed to be my father at the time she became pregnant with me, but was with him at the time I was born. I was always told that I was born prematurely, but now doubt that this was the case having seen some records.
I have traced my mother's first husbands family but I am very hesitant to make any contact as I don't want to disrupt their lives.
My mother refuses to talk about the situation. I have no contact with the man who raised me so getting a DNA test isn't going to happen easily.
I just have an overwhelming needed know the truth about who my real father is.

Do a commercial DNA test. Other paternal relatives will have tested. It might be a bit of detective work, but it's worth a shot. Good luck!

I totally understand. I could have almost written your post - lied to all my life and had a shitty alcoholic for a stepdad, who, incidentally, used to tease me about my genetic heritage on my dads side - not that i knew that at the time.
I had some clues but nothing concrete - just a common nickname and a common surname. It seemed hopeless.
I've found out more than i thought would be possible through one of the ancestry type dna kits. My dad died when i was 6 months old but i have a photo of his grave and ive emailed some relatives. Most people were lovely and i really appreciated that.
I hope you find answers that bring you peace.

I understand how you feel. A few years ago I traced my birth father’s family (he sadly died many years ago).
When I contacted them, they were so happy to hear from me, it really did a lot to boost my self esteem and I really started to know myself better. The family who raised me also told horrendous lies, which were difficult to process.
I’d say go for it and contact them. They may know about you anyway and be wondering. That was the case with me. My ‘other’ family didn’t search for me because they didn’t want to disrupt my life, which they assumed was a happy one. I wish they had!
You could try doing a DNA test via ancestry. My friend accidentally discovered her real dad that way. Her mum refuses to talk about it too but the genes don’t lie! Good luck!

I'm missing a fifty year old cousin my dna is on ancestry do an ancestry test see if you get a match?

You are indeed wise to tread carefully here.

I would contact the Salvation Army in the first instance they also operate a family tracing service.

Afaik Salvation Army will only trace people in certain circumstances- eg. tracing someone on behalf of their spouse in a case where they were married.