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Original poster

Is this a good sign ?

16 replies

confused1019 · 05/04/2022 13:06

Hi , I have been exclusively dating a man for a few months . Everything is going well and we spend almost every weekend together as we both work full time and he lives an hour away.

As with everyone, I have been treated really badly in past relationships . Is it a red flag if a man barely touches his phone when spending days together? I sometimes forget he even has a phone . I don't know if I am over thinking this but he hasn't given me any reason to doubt him . What are everyone's thoughts?

Thank you

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/04/2022 13:08

Why do you think it would be a red flag, OP? Does he have a vulnerable elderly parent or child who you worry he might be neglecting?

bloodywhitecat · 05/04/2022 13:13

DH barely ever checked his phone when we were out, even when we first met and started dating. If we were out he never checked it unless it rang. When we were at home and chilling he would Facebook etc on it etc but rarely messaged or WhatsApp'd anyone. I never had reason to doubt him and I have never found anything dubious on it. He often left it sitting around unlocked.

Original poster
confused1019 · 05/04/2022 13:17

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Why do you think it would be a red flag, OP? Does he have a vulnerable elderly parent or child who you worry he might be neglecting?
Thank you for your reply. No , nothing like that . Tbh I don't have a real reason. I just feel like everyone has to touch their phone at some point during the day which I do but he doesn't. Which is a bit strange I guess . It's just something different to what I am used to
OP posts:
Original poster
confused1019 · 05/04/2022 13:21

@bloodywhitecat

DH barely ever checked his phone when we were out, even when we first met and started dating. If we were out he never checked it unless it rang. When we were at home and chilling he would Facebook etc on it etc but rarely messaged or WhatsApp'd anyone. I never had reason to doubt him and I have never found anything dubious on it. He often left it sitting around unlocked.
That puts my mind a bit at ease . He doesn't have social media and like your DH , he never goes on his phone unless to take pictures etc .
OP posts:
layladomino · 05/04/2022 13:22

I don't think it's weird at all. Unless I'm waiting for a particular message I wouldn't check my phone when I'm out with someone. If you're enjoying a date why would you check your phone?

Maternitynamechange · 05/04/2022 13:23

You’re worried that he’s switching it off for the weekend in case of calls and texts from his wife?

If he never ever checks it, maybe. But it’s just good manners otherwise.

Mummytobe93 · 05/04/2022 13:24

Wow that’s actually a “green flag” in a way 😉he must be so consume with you he don’t need to look at his phone every few minutes.
Unless there’s anything else that seems weird I’d think it’s nothing bad

gerryperry · 05/04/2022 13:46

I think if you've been treated badly then everything could be seen as a red flag.

It could be the same as if he was always on his phone - also a red flag but could easily mean nothing at the same time. The same as the fact is isn't using his phone.

It could very much be that he doesn't want to give you the impression he's a bloke that's constantly glued to his phone.

If there are no other red flags then I'd try put it to the back of your mind. The more you get to know him, the more it will hopefully put your mind at ease.

chisanunian · 05/04/2022 13:49

I can go all day without looking at my phone. Nothing unusual about it at all; in fact I tend to find it quite annoying if other people are obsessively spending their time and attention on their phone all the time when they are with me.

Justcallmebebes · 05/04/2022 14:58

I think that's a good thing. He's with you and focussing on you and your time together. It would be far more annoying if he was constantly on it when you are together.

So assuming he's not turning it off to stop his wife/partner getting hold of him, it's a good thing

Watchkeys · 05/04/2022 15:01

In a healthy relationship, you wouldn't be looking at behaviours and wondering if they were red flags. If you are, it means you don't feel safe, so you should pull out. You're either suspecting an innocent man, or suspecting a guilty man, and neither option is good.

The healthy way to deal with this is to ask him about his phone use, and see if you're comfortable with his reply. Can you do that? If not, why not?

whoturnedthesunoff · 05/04/2022 17:15

I'd be very happy if this phone was just .. there ...

I would start to worry of it was on silent hidden or switched off

Have a little faith 💐

Fidgety31 · 05/04/2022 17:27

Yes my ex did this and it’s because he didn’t want other women ringing while he was with me and for me to see it
He was always very secretive with his phone

Original poster
confused1019 · 05/04/2022 19:27

Thank you for all your replies, the general consensus seems to be that it is a good thing. And to answer to some questions, he doesn't have anyone that requires care and from what I know , he doesn't have many friends that he socializes with. We spend the whole weekend together and he leaves mine to go to work on Monday morning .

I am probably worrying over nothing . I am not just used to someone acting the right way that I am trying to find something.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 05/04/2022 19:51

Why don't you ask him about it,@confused1019? Asking for reassurance when something is raising questions in your head is an important part of a relationship. Do you feel you can't? Shouldn't? Won't get a considerate response?

Getting reassurance from a forum when your partner is doing something that bothers you isn't the best way to work through a relationship issue.

Notarealmum · 06/04/2022 01:10

It’s a good thing surely? I can go days without looking at mine (really) and would find it off putting to be with someone who was glued to theirs.

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