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Original poster

Dinner with ex

8 replies

namechange246810 · 04/04/2022 19:14

Hi,

My gf is having dinner with a girl she used to hook up with a few years ago. They've known each other much longer than I've been with my gf. The friend/ex(?) has been her friend through many relationships with others and has never gotten over her.

Calm me down and tell me not to be anxious?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechange246810 · 05/04/2022 18:19

So, they're currently at the meal.

Bumping on the off chance someone can offer logic whilst I go out of my mind.

OP posts:
Lockedoorsopen · 05/04/2022 18:25

Yeah im not sure I would be so cool with this.

I mean I wouldn't expect them to blank each other in the street or anything but what cant they say over a quick phone call or watsap message?

I have exes messaging me from years ago on the odd occasion - we have a 'hi how are you? Hows life? Aw thats nice' convo but thats about it.

Im just not interested in meeting up with people I used to bed tbh.

Maybe some much more cooler people will be on to say ' this is completely normal and their partners do it all the time..

ThistlesAndUnicorns · 05/04/2022 18:32

All comes down to whether you trust your partner and if she's taken your concerns on board.

I personally wouldn't like a partner seeing someone they used to sleep with but I also know if I was with someone it wouldn't cross my mind to be unfaithful. Really depends on your relationship and how much trust you have.

ThistlesAndUnicorns · 05/04/2022 18:35

And respect I should add. I don't think it's unreasonable to not want your OH to spend time with someone they've been intimate with so I hope your GF has been able to understand where you're coming from, even if it's completely innocent.

Original poster
namechange246810 · 05/04/2022 18:38

My gf's previous ex had a problem with it too- it's one of the things they used to argue over. I know if I were to bring up that it makes me uncomfortable, she'd compare me to the ex. So I have to stay quiet and smile.

OP posts:
ThistlesAndUnicorns · 05/04/2022 18:45

You don't have to though. If she's unwilling to take into consideration her current partners feelings then maybe you should rethink the relationship because if she's done this before it doesn't sound like it will change.

Maybe your girlfriend thinks people are trying to control who she sees? Either way, it doesn't sound like she's willing to compromise which is a problem.

Could you not have gone along with them to get to know the friend better and hopefully it would reassure you they're just friends?

Watchkeys · 05/04/2022 18:45

@namechange246810

My gf's previous ex had a problem with it too- it's one of the things they used to argue over. I know if I were to bring up that it makes me uncomfortable, she'd compare me to the ex. So I have to stay quiet and smile.
This isn't a healthy relationship.

When you bring things up that are bothering you in a healthy relationship, your partner takes on board what you're feeling and will try to help you feel better.

Don't spend time with anyone who makes you feel you have to surpress your feelings.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/04/2022 19:11

@namechange246810

My gf's previous ex had a problem with it too- it's one of the things they used to argue over. I know if I were to bring up that it makes me uncomfortable, she'd compare me to the ex. So I have to stay quiet and smile.
This is nowhere near to a healthy relationship if this is the dynamic.
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