Recently separated feeling low

[Ribbon86]

Hi everyone ,
Don’t really know what I’m trying to ask but I’m feeling low today . Separated January been together for 17 years , it was on my terms but I have chose to go no
Contact ( I believe he is a narcissist) and believed I’d struggle trying to sort things with him so now it’s in the hands of the lawyer . Started speaking with someone I knew years ago we met up and have slept together but he has so many issues with his ex something I have questioned as I don’t want to get hurt again . Long story short we have decided to stop seeing /contacting each other as he feels like I will eventually get hurt . I feel like such an idiot and now I feel worse about my whole situation . Any advice on how to make myself feel better would be appreciated I’m really struggling x

Not sure I've got any helpful advice but just wanted to give you a hug x

actually one thing I would say is go and do something you've always wanted to do but didn't (when I left my sob I went back to college and did ceramics - never thought I was arty but it had always appealed!) and take time to find yourself again. It does get better x

@lifesabitchandthenyoudie I feel like I’m stuck in a rut and have made my
Whole situation worse by sleeping with someone else now that’s ended too 😞 I think it helped me take my mind off my separation but now I’m assuming that wasn’t the right thing to do after all .
Well done for doing what you always wanted to do sounds like fun . I have 3 wonderful children and a great job but feel like I’m constantly running on adrenaline and don’t know how to make myself feel better .
Thank you for the reply it’s really nice to know even strangers take the time for others

You had a bit of a rebound fling, don't cut yourself up about it it's perfectly natural and may even be a good thing that it didn't carry on .

Could you get a bit of time for yourself, to do a dance class, yoga, something? Or take up a hobby you can do at home. I mess about with paint a bit now, it brings me a lot of peace!

helping each other is what MN is about, isn't it? (mostly...)

Thank you I feel like I just needed someone else to tell me it’s not so bad , yeah it would have been worse down the line if it carried on I suppose .

I’m currently working out my finances and sorting things in the house which is keeping my mind off of stuff for the moment anyway .

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond it does help .

Hey OP. Sorry you're feeling low. Been in a similar position myself. Looking on bright side, you've had a fling - good for you! You've attracted someone and got the narc out your system. They call the person between a relationship ending and the next important person in your life the palette cleanser. That's all it is. When I thought of it like that I felt much better. A step closer to bigger and better things. Sounds like you swerved a nightmare there.

So time to focus on yourself and children etc while your lawyer sorts the legalities of the separation.

@LadyLolaRuben
Lovely to hear from you , I love how you managed to turn the situation into a positive it’s a great way to look at it . Feeling a bit lost as we had been texting /phoning everyday now nothing but deep down I know it is for the best .
Yeah your right I need to focus on myself now , I have a habit of putting everyone / everything else first . I need to learn to be happy on my own just struggling to find a way x

[quote Ribbon86]@LadyLolaRuben
Lovely to hear from you , I love how you managed to turn the situation into a positive it’s a great way to look at it . Feeling a bit lost as we had been texting /phoning everyday now nothing but deep down I know it is for the best .
Yeah your right I need to focus on myself now , I have a habit of putting everyone / everything else first . I need to learn to be happy on my own just struggling to find a way x[/quote]
Hi, yes I totally understand its the attention and connection with someone isn't it? The everyday chatter and company through life that not many others would be interested in. One thing that worked for me was calling and messaging friends more - some knew why I was doing it and others didn't. Between all those friends and family members it kept me busy. The more you chat to them the more you'll have to chat to them about.

Also at the very beginning of a separation I know someone who sent text messages to herself (put her own number in her contacts list) that she wanted to send to her estranged partner. That way she got them out of her system but they were never seen by him.

The thing is, if you don't break the contact and keep it broken, you're not healing and making space for someone new to come along.

Try not to think about being on your own, see it as being surrounded by friends, family etc. You've just not appointed a special person to the top job yet - situation still vacant x