Would you divorce over an online relationship?

[OlliePops1009]

DH has always been a big gamer, which hasn't ever been a problem. More recently it's come to light all the time I thought he was "gaming with the boys" he was actually with some girl online. Getting up to all sorts. There were times where he would send me off to my friends and make out he was doing me a favour and clean the house and cook for example but little did I realise this is when he would also be videocalling. This all came to light simply because I realised all the conversations were over something called Discord. Which I never even knew existed. We have 2 children together and now I'm really lost. He has never been unfaithful and has told me it was silly and a fantasy thing because they developed a bond over gaming. He doesn't even talk about completely removing her from his life and says he will obviously only play in the future, which is ridiculous, if we continue the marriage then of course he needs to drop her entirely but I don't know if this is something that could be forgiven

Only you know if you can forgive him. But from my perspective this really stood out he has never been unfaithful

Yes he has. He's now minimising it and it sounds like it might be making you doubt your initial reaction. He has cheated on you and probably would have continued if you hadn't found out. This isn't the type of man I would want to be married to, but we all have different tolerances.

How do YOU feel about what he's done? Never mind what the sleazy twat tells you to think / feel. Is this something that you feel is acceptable in a marriage? I wonder how he would feel if you were ushering him out with the kids so you could wank online with another man. Would he thinks it's "silly" and "just a fantasy" then? Would he fuck!

Take your time and think about what you want to do. Is there someone in real life you can confide in? Am sure some much wiser people will be along soon too. Sending positive thoughts and a virtual glass of wine in the meantime OP

He has been unfaithful though. Getting up to all sorts? What sorts??? If its sexual then yes of course, he has fucked up.

Dont let him minimise it. Just because its online! Who cares.

Your husband is cheating on you. He is the definition of unfaithful.

Yup. I wasn’t married but I left my partner of 12 years over exactly this. We’ve both always been into gaming so I caught on quickly that he was messing about.

You can’t see Discord deleted messages, and who knows what he’s been up to on video calls. My ex only admitted to an emotional affair, and I wasn’t able to get proof that he actually “did” anything while videocalling, but that’s cheating to me, and I ended it. We also have a kid together, so it wasn’t an easy decision, but I knew I’d never trust him again.

Sorry that you’re going through this, OP, it sucks.

(And one of the things that pissed me off when it happened to me was how bloody cliché it was. The woman involved was clearly desperate for male attention, and as a woman who plays games I really wouldn’t want any of the guys I play with to assume I’m interested in them. I’m interested in games, they just also happen to be there)

For me it's the lying and minimising which are the red flags, just as much as the supposedly "online only" contact, and since he's been prepared to deceive you about this I wonder why you're so confident that he's "never been unfaithful" (presumably in a physical sense)?

I made that mistake myself, only apart from the online affair it then became a prostitute he'd visited ("but only once"), which then turned out to be prostitute use throught our entire 30 year marriage

Unless you want to become me - and I really wouldn't recommend it - why take a chance instead of throwing him out now before it becomes even worse?

If he was not being unfaithful, why did he lie?

You do not need to divorce immediately, you could have counselling, but he would have to come to a revised understanding of cheating for you to have any hope of avoiding splitting up. It may not be worth the work, only you know that.

Obviously he can't continue having the online relationship with these people.