I've been with my husband since I was 17 and I'm now 34. The past few years I have just lost all enthusiasm for our marriage and just don't feel that he cares about me in the same was as I do about him. For example, when I had covid and was extremely poorly, he did not check in on me or even bring me a glass of water for roughly two days whilst I lay in bed completely incapacitated. We both work full time and I've noticed that it's only me that washes and dresses the kids - if he is left in charge he will leave them in their pj's for the full day and not even make them a small meal. As well as carrying all the mental load for schools, clubs etc and making sure all of the bills are paid (of which he does contribute but it's sporadic) I also am generally the only person in the couple who will try and make home improvements and do all of the cooking, cleaning and washing. When I try to quickly do these jobs he can get huffy as he doesn't realise that I'm just trying to get things done and it's not a pop at him. He does do the dishes, but generally leaves the worst ones soaking and just piles up more and more wet dishes on the side and washes them sometimes in the same basin that the cat's bowls are done in - being offended if I question how hygienic this is.
He has told me that he is not interested in studying for or getting a better paid job or taking any promotion at work which would be fine, but with the cost of living increasing is putting more burden on me to provide and it's making me worry that as things progress childcare will fall to him more and he's literally just playing computer games whilst my daughters play on their tablets.
I was signed off sick at the start of the year with anxiety and depression due to some bullying at work, he did not give any support really. I did put in a complaint and it was upheld as I wasn't the only person to experience it. The bullying triggered my anxiety and depression and I've moved elsewhere now too (employer facilitated this) and I'm much happier and getting better opportunities. There was another member of staff struggling and as I was telling him he said 'why doesn't she just play the mental heath trick like you did?. He has also time and again told me what an easy life I have. He knows I missed out on university when I was younger due to having an abusive ex partner and I've just spent 6 years studying for a degree - all the while working two minimum -wage jobs and struggling to make ends meet. It is only the past year I've been in a half decent job because of this effort and finally (despite the blip) people are noticing me and I'm working my way up.
I'd also desperately like to move, but he has put the kibosh on this in the past saying he needs to stay near to London for work - work which doesn't pay well.
I try my best to give him hugs, kisses or pay him compliments - it struck. me the other day that not once has he ever said that I look nice. I'm not the sort of person who always seeks validation, but you'd expect it once in a marriage perhaps (and I genuinely mean this).
I just feel like I have the weight of so much on my shoulders and no respect.