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Original poster

My partner doesn't want children

41 replies

Daynight1 · 04/04/2022 09:09

I have been with my partner for a little over a year now, we've just brought a home together and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. He's told me that he finds it very overwhelming the life he has currently with us,(my daughter bio dad passed away) he says it's very different being only him to now having a house and a family to take care of but always assures me he loves us both dearly and I believe him as he shows me daily. But he hit me with that he doesn't want any of his own children, knowing I do. I love this man and thought this was the man I was going to marry and now I'm not sure of I should stay with him or not

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 04/04/2022 13:44

@Sofasogood1

Bought a house together after a year but haven't discussed whether to have kids?
It must have been way before the one year mark. The op said they've been together "for a little over a year" and have bought a house and moved in together. At the most they were together for 9 months, but quite possible less. If this is accurate of course.
billy1966 · 04/04/2022 13:56

Another person who thinks you haven't been with him 5 minutes and have bought a house?

What on earth was the rush?

He is being honest finally about children.

If you hadn't bought a house with him, and moved in together so quickly, you could easily move on.

Accept what he says is all you can do and sell the house.

AskingforaBaskin · 04/04/2022 14:13

If he is a good man and is actively involved in your daughter life I would hold onto him.

While you may want another child you don't need one.
But your child needs and deserves a steady and fulfilling childhood.

You've already moved in with a man after a year. Don't be he mother who chops and changes men and then inevitably ends up pregnant with the wrong on.

Those childhoods scar people.

TiddleyWink · 04/04/2022 14:16

Absolute insanity to have moved him in with you and your daughter and bought a house together in a year. You should be just about thinking of introducing them at this point but it kind of comes across like you’ve fast tracked him into playing a full time dad role to your daughter. Of course he’s struggling!

Totally understandable if you’re feeling sad for her that her dad passed away, but this isn’t the answer. Rushing things makes it more likely it goes wrong and then it’s your child who suffers. Having more children a year I’m shouldn’t be on your radar either - just slow right down.

How much of the day to day parenting are you expecting this man to do? Is that why he’s struggling, is he doing lots of parenting all of a sudden?

YRGAM · 04/04/2022 14:20

@IncompleteSenten

Did he wait until you were saddled with a house together to tell you this? If so, that was absolutely shitty of him because he made it more difficult for you to leave deliberately before giving you possible deal breaker information.

Really it comes down to how important is another child to you? And how pissed off you are about how he's done it.

This is pure 'blame the man' reflex
Graphista · 04/04/2022 14:23

Yet again a relationship that's been rushed into! You're only together a year, there's a child involved and you've already bought a home together why?

How old is he? A lot of men now in their 30's seem to do this "starter" relationship crap, waste a woman's fertile years and then when they inevitably split quickly marry and impregnate the next woman

Your post at 1052 doesn't make the speed at which everything moved in this relationship any better! All far too fast!

You need to slow things right right down and consider what is actually best for your child not what suits you

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 04/04/2022 14:29

This is so fast it's no wonder he's struggling. It's very different to see your child occasionally to being with them full time. I think it's good he's said now he doesn't want kids rather than years down the line. If he loves you and your daughter then you have to decide whether you want a life with him in it or the potential to have a baby with someone else.

steppingout · 04/04/2022 14:31

If you've only recently moved in together you need to give him time. I cried at least a couple of times a week for the first few months after moving in with DP and DSD (with us almost full time). I never wanted to actually leave but it was a huge shock and there were a lot of emotions and challenges I didn't anticipate. There's no guarantee he'll change his mind but in my experience there's a long settling in period. Also should say that I have a lovely relationship with DSD now and am very glad to have her in my life, but it did take work so he'll need to make the effort too.

Gonnagetgoing · 04/04/2022 14:40

To be fair to him it’s all happened too much too soon and I’m not surprised he’s ducking out of having his own children with you as the reality must be very different for him.

You could see if he changes his mind over time. How old are you?

I was with someone a few years ago who already had a teenage DS and at first to please me said he’d have another child. Then he remembered everything he didn’t like about babies and being a parent (waking early etc) and changed his mind. Ironically he’s now married to a woman with 3 under 10 (DT’s and a boy) and the DT’s were under 5 when they got together so he’s obviously fine with young children.

phizog · 04/04/2022 15:31

You bought a house with someone you'd known a year?? That means it would have been 6-7 months when you made the decision to buy a house with someone who was a practical stranger??

You moved your daughter into a house with someone you'd known a year?

Why the rush? Of course, he's backing down now - I wouldn't be surprised if he's telling you this angling for a break up and he finds it too much too soon. Are you financially protected i.e will you be able to get your money back that you put into the house?

SunflowerTed · 05/04/2022 08:02

@HellToTheNope

I'm astounded that you've only been together a year, you have a child, and you've already bought a house with this man. Sorry, but too much, too soon. I'm not surprised that he's having a hard time.
This.
OldGoth · 05/04/2022 08:10

@TriTrey

I don't think it's shitty to be open and honest, even of it's not what you want to hear.

Plus, everyone has the right to change their minds - benefit of the doubt, he may have wanted DC but the reality of now being in a family unit has overwhelmed him. If this is true, he may feel differently with more time to adjust.

This.
Anthurium · 05/04/2022 10:55

If you want another child, you don't need another man or a relationship for that, you can use a sperm donor (I'm a single mother by choice who used a sperm donor and now have a 4 month old son).

Did you go along with things in this relationship because you were secretly hoping for another child?

Notthedeadparrotsketch · 05/04/2022 16:21

You have a child. Why are you upset that he doesn't want one of his own?

I'm struggling to understand your logic.

knittingaddict · 05/04/2022 16:51

@Notthedeadparrotsketch

You have a child. Why are you upset that he doesn't want one of his own?

I'm struggling to understand your logic.

Children aren't washing machines. You are allowed to want more than one.
Someonemustknowtheanswer · 05/04/2022 17:16

Another vote for it moving way too fast.

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