Sexless marriage

[Sunny770]

My husband has never really had much of a sex drive. It’s a lot lower than mine. We rarely have sex anymore. When trying to conceive for 8year old daughter we’d have sex around my fertile window. That continued but being in our mid 40s we’re unlikely to have another child so the sex has is non existent.
I would say our sex has always been quite vanilla. Over the years I’ve tried to instigate us talking about having a more fulfilling sex life. Introducing different positions, toys but he puts up a barrier to it all.

He’s rarely affectionate and when he is it feels robotic and a bit forced.

He’s a loving father. I’m finding it hard being mid 40 missing sex, wanting it with husband who has no interest.

I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage. Perhaps we’re just now friends and there lies the answer.
Any advice?

He’s not going to change unless he wants to. And by the sounds of it he’s not bothered.

So that leaves you having to decide what you do. Put up with it? Absolutely insist he sees a doc and gets his testosterone checked? Or call time on your marriage. I did the last one and am now in a happy relationship with loads of sex! I’m in my 50s and wish I had done it sooner.

If he won’t talk about it, or make an effort for your sake it does sound like you have a decision to make. Either put up with less - and end up in a platonic relationship as you both get older - or end things.

Sorry to be so blunt but his natural drive is not going to increase (without effort on his part)

You have to feel sorry for someone who apparently gets no pleasure from sex. But you have to feel even sorrier for their DP forced into involuntary celibacy. This is no basis for a successful LTR and you need to give him an ultimatum - either he finds a way to satisfy you or it's over.

Could it be that he has some erectile issues, either due to a hidden porn addiction, or lifestyle, stress or medical reasons and feels awkward opening up about it, so avoids sex?
My most recent partner had erectile issues and at first I blamed myself. I tried all kinds of lingerie and accessories, which helped somewhat but ultimately I just couldn't commit to a relationship with a partner who couldn't match my libido.
I would encourage you to talk about it first though, try to get to the root cause together, before giving up.

Different ppl have different sex drives, his is lower than yours, or maybe he just doesn’t enjoy sex much, not everyone does.

I'm in the same situation. It's fucking awful.

No sex for six years and before that it was only about twice a year.

My husband has told me he has no libido at all.

We've been married for 20 years and are in our early fifties.

I've looked into divorce, but financially the repercussions would be impossible.

I feel so awful and I really feel your pain OP

I'm the one with the lower sex drive in my relationship and we've found that going out for date nights help. For me quality time with my husband leads to me wanting sex. I'm just not usually up for it after a day of work/looking after kids.

I could have written this myself. The only difference is at the beginning( 6 years ago) he made an effort now he can't be bothered but I've realised that he's like that about most aspects of life.
I've told him countless times I need intimacy over the years but he's never put in the effort to try to improve things.
It isn't the only issue in our relationship and so I've told him I want him to move out because I can't keep being unhappy and feeling unloved and unwanted. I hope you can work things out Op x