Ignored by DH for a month, self-sabotarging at work

[Nighttimedaytime]

I want to leave. Have seen a solicitor and spoken to WA, there has been a lot of verbal abuse over the years and I need to go. I have been warned by both that whilst it is bullying behaviour, it would be frown upon to just up and go with DC. Also complicated by the fact he threatens to take the children out the country if we end our marriage. I am completely frozen and now I am failing at work. I cannot hit deadlines, do not respond to emails, deliberately bury my head in the sand. I am now in a lot of trouble at work and may end in disciplinary. They know I have problems at home and offered reduced hours (and pay). How did others cope? How do I maintain separation between work and home? How on earth can I get any part of my life back on track? Yes, have spent another weekend without any adult conversation. I'm being ignored - again. I had planned to spend tonight catching up with work. But just can't do it, despite having the time, I have no will. Do I own up at work? Do I try and cover? I just don't know what to do.

Gosh this is so sad. No practical advice other than to explain the full severity of this to work, perhaps sign off sick for a week and use this time to leave with your children. Just them, a few of their favourite items. Then seek proper advice.

I’m really surprised women aid have said not to leave. I donate goods to them regularly and they’ve told me many women flee with their kids and nothing else. Not even their mobile phones.

Have you been able to save any money that isn’t accessible by DH?

Please leave whilst your children are very young and you can then provide them with safety and love they need ( a relaxed mum, a home with windows and curtains open, no oppressive father and lovely trips to the park - which is free).

Makes me want to help you.

That's right, I have been advised to document and collect evidence. I keep thinking that everyone has arguments and maybe i am just overeacting to them. Im finding being ignored for this period of time really tough. Anyhow... it is Monday morning. Still not made any inroads into both missed and big deadline. Request for GP appointment was submitted last week. I just keep crying.

Does this mean that your kids never leave the house? And that they’re sat indoors all day with the blinds down? What about nursery? Or play dates? Or going to the park?

We spend a lot of time outside. All together.

Oh right, I’d assumed he never left the house at all. Womens Aid have given you the wrong advice. You need to phone them back. Do the kids go to nursery at all? Or do you take them to play with friends without him?

What about doctors? Your kids will be getting pre school boosters soon so that could be an opportunity for you to talk to someone without him?

if he doesn’t take to you, what happens if you start to get the kids ready to go out? how does he go about stopping you from leaving with them? Not being an arse here i’m genuinely wondering how he stops you?
Have you any friend who could invite you and the kids to theirs? As a guise to let you leave with them? I think you need to contact the police domestic abuse team for help to leave him this is no life for you or your children.

Do you work from home in this environment? If so, no wonder you can't concentrate. I wouldn't describe this as self-sabotaging. I would say that the reality of your home life is impacting on your ability to work. Do you ever get a chance to speak to your boss without your husband hearing? Is there a way to let them know the severity of what you are dealing with? Can you get signed off from work for the longest time possible to take this pressure off you? If your husband thinks you are still working this might give you the time to collect your evidence and see through your plan to leave?

Does he work? Is your home mortgaged or rented?

What does he do if you try to force a conversation? how does he react if you try to get him to respond to you?

OP

I'm in a similar situation although no children.
The silent treatment is killing me and taking over my brain. Can't do anything for work.

You need to somehow be distracted from it.
I was hoping to go back into the office but now have Covid:(.
Can you try that?
Or even any distraction, ringing a friend?