1 year on

[noodlesdodo]

I met ex boyfriend in May 20 during the first lockdown online. We vaguely knew each other from school and were members of the same sports club at the time. We are both mid 40s.
The relationship became quite intense, quite quickly with lots of time spent together and we bubbled up. It was just us for a significant period. Video chats every night,daily messages etc. A lot of it felt quite magical and that falling in love feeling.... until it became toxic. I felt controlled, used with little digs, put downs, triangulation etc and mind games.
This went on for almost a year.
I eventually ended it and was getting myself together when he emailed me to tell me that 5 weeks later he had slept with someone else he met online and was a mess. I still had feelings and rightly or wrongly I went back. I think there may have been a period where he had us both on the go. I got away, it was extremely difficult but I 'escaped' so to speak.
It was fairly easy at the time to work out who this woman was as I looked on social media. She probably has no idea that we got back together briefly.
She looks lovely and seems to be successful. I know my ex has narcissistic traits and was extremely cruel to me. I've had counselling and managed to pull myself back around, almost, 1 year on. New job etc trying to move on. I still feel quite damaged by this relationship and feel it almost unfair he got the happy ending. Not sure what I'm looking for. I just find it unjust after the appalling way he was with me he has seemingly met someone who seems nice and is happy. I know these are just thoughts and the reality may be different and in fact, I perhaps should feel sorry for her. Or maybe their combination is better. Anyway, I'm giving them too much headspace. How do I fully move on? I feel quote damaged by him
I.wont go into too much detail however I believe I suffered a sexual assault by him. I just have to let it go.

Anyone? I guess I'm looking for words of advice and wisdom of how to move on from someone who treated me badly who has seemingly got the happy ending he wanted.

It might 'seem' he got the happy ending...but you never know. Karma might be right round the corner!

I would focus on yourself, moving forward to better times and regard it all as a lucky escape!

You’re the winner here. You’re free.

Just remember you have freedom from him, he probably wants to portray how happy he is but in reality he is still the same person and luckily he's not your problem anymore. Relationships are a part of life, they come and go, it doesn't have to be the main focus right now, let something else take over, career, study whatever else is important to you, put all your effort and energy in that rather than giving the loser any headspace.

Yes, I have focused on myself and been committed to work fully the past year. Thank you. I suppose I just feel I need that message to be reinforced. Its hard, as my heart was with him. However, yes, karma will perhaps get him.
@katcrazy83 I remember at the time thinking this way. As times goes on I'm reflecting on myself and if I somehow could have contributed to his behaviour, but I feel I was so genuine and honest. Why would he say in front of me he would 'destroy me'. I do wonder if this was a reference to the OW

My husband of 20 years “ moved on “ with his affair partner. However I know it won’t end well for her because he is so cruel and selfish, he is incapable of real love. She will end up getting used and abused, just like I was.

I don’t envy her at all. Right now she’s just a victim of his love bombing. As soon as he has married her he will revert to type. It’s just a matter of time.

@morven, sorry you have been through the hell. I guess so. Yes my ex was selfish too, all about him and he also told me someone else had described him that way too.
Perhaps so, although I do wonder if he has learned, as he told me he would and the new lady is getting the best from him

I suspect his behavioural problem traits will come out again sooner or later. This is someone who really isn't good enough, so be glad that you no longer have to be involved with him. A year probably isn't enough to get over any kind of serious emotional trauma though, so be kind to yourself.

Sounds like he cheated on both of you and I think you're far too sympathetic towards him. He's a cheater.

@M0RVEN very similar story to mine. I'm waiting for the wedding as know that's when he will ramp up his behaviour.

Op, if he is in his 40s then he won't change. He will treat her badly, if he was cruel to you then he will be similar to her. It's likely to already be happening.

Yes, I think I'm too empathetic and understanding which is probably why I was an easy target so to speak. Vulnerability during lockdown and a false sense of security as he was from my 'past'
I initially noticed some posts from the other woman which seemed almost directed at me. I noticed words used etc and it was very much his 'language' although I may be completely wrong and if that's the case maybe she isn't so nice.
I stopped torturing myself by looking. Yes, it's certainly feels like trauma. Given he moved on so quickly and I'm still suffering in a sense feels unfair.