Need a handhold

[Namechanger901]

So partner of 10 years has just left, we have 3 kids 2 under 2. It my decision to end things he has problems with drugs, drinking and telling endless lies.

Just scared how I will do this all on my own can any other single mums please reassure me I can do this :(

I have two under 2 and have recently become a single foster parent, it's fine and you will be fine. If you have been managing a relationship with an addict you will manage the children and life on your own just fine

Thank you @bloodywhitecat just feel like it’s a worrying time at the moment what with everything going up etc , how do you find life on your own with two little ones

Busy lol, they keep me on my toes. The biggest one hates being inside so I find myself planning trips to the park and making picnics. I have got into a good routine with the housework and do most of it once they are in bed. I miss adult company in the evenings though.

It is a worrying time with the cost of living rising so much but I am trying not to over think it at the moment.

Do you have family who can help?

I think you might even find it easier without him. But allow yourself to grieve for the life you thought you'd have with him.

You got this x

Lol yes I imagine I will be extremely busy I am when he’s here never mind without. I have got my mum who I’m quite close to so that’s good.

He’s been hiding the drug use and alcohol for years it’s all just come out in the last couple of months and still unravelling now , can’t believe I’ve been fooled for so long.

Feeling very numb at the moment but feel awful for the kids especially my eldest who is old enough to know something is going on 😩

Take each day as it comes @Namechanger901.

Be kind to yourself 💐

Hugs OP you’ll get there you’ll find no stress of living with drugs drink etc will life easier yes. You’ve things to sort out but no man child to see too.

You will find your life is easier and you will have more fun as you are not worrying about carrying that dead weight around. Apply for UC now, Child Maintenance. Grants for uniform from your local council and free school meals. Some water companies will reduce the bill if you are on a low income. Same for council tax. The Citizens Advice Bureau are brilliant at making sure you get all you are entitled to and will help you fill in forms. There is help out there and you will be fine. Better than fine. Its no fun being in a relationship with a liar. Your life is starting now. Good luck.

Thinking of you

Try not too think too far it to the future (I found it overwhelming). Just literally take one day at a time. You will have ups and downs, allow yourself to feel the emotions. Some days will be F yeah - I got this and others you might be a crying wreck. Even though you ended it you are still allowed to feel sad. You have been betrayed and let down by your partner, his choices have changed your future.

Use MN or RL friends when you need to. Show up for your kids, give them stability and remind yourself that even though it might be painful for them (the eldest) now, it really will be better in the long run

Thank you all for the replies and well wishes, Already going through the motions and it’s only been a day, one minute I’m numb then I feel strong I can do this, but then seeing these nice comments just made me cry lol especially about thinking to the future it’s all consuming what about days out , holidays etc thinking about that is really upsetting I need to stop.

I’ve added these suggestions on my to do list I will get the ball rolling tomorrow and look into benefits etc thanks so much

Bless you love, you sound very strong and you and your little ones will thrive, well done for making the right decision for you all.

You will be fine
Not just because you have to be but because that deadwood is gone
By choice and necessity sadly I‘ve been a pregnant single parent to two under three and then three under 4
There are good days and bad days like every family has but I’ve Found we’ve become our own family all over again.

It is also much easier to parent on your own terms and create a lifestyle that fits with you and your children’s needs not a self absorbed substance abuser etc

The hardest parts for me initially were the grief that this has come to pass and the wrong feeling that I’d somehow failed them. It is overwhelming some days and I occasionally feel angry and resentful about always being at the bottom of the pile but it’s not and never has been their fault so I made a conscious choice not to inflict that on them.

You will - in time - see the unfurling of a new family life and model for you all with you at the helm. Being a strong mother will come naturally to you as you’ve already made one of the most important decisions as one and drawn that line in the sand.

Take one day at a time
Definitely look into what you are entitled to
Make sure at the end of every day you have a little affirmation for yourself as to why you’ve ended it and how things will get better. Because it might take a while but they do.

Keep posting for support. This forum has its faults but in my experience that advice and solidarity for women in this position is one of its most positive and important features. Ty will always have someone here for you.

You have made the bravest step. Now you will grow each day with your babies! It can be tough and challenging but in some ways be easier and so much more rewarding!

You've got this op!!!

It will be far easier without the weight of a selfish, dishonest, addict weighing you down. I've been a single parent for 14 years, mine were very small when split with their Dad. Best thing I ever did. You'll be fine 💐

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, I keep coming back to read them for a little boost 👏