Partner messaging another woman

[Smileandbe]

Hi all,

After some advice of what to do, if anything.

My partner and I have been together two years, we have what I consider to be a happy relationship.

He was at work today and I borrowed his tablet to watch a film on. This is not unusual. Halfway through watching, messages pop up from another girl. I wouldn't usually snoop but curiosity got the better of me. It looked pretty innocent messaging between them but then the messages disappeared, which means he's deleted them.

Do I bring this up with him ? Do I leave it? He's entitled to message who he likes but the fact he has deleted the messages worries me. My mind is going overtime and I feel sick. Not sure what to do for the best.

Anyone else been in this sort of situation before ? If so any advice greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Who is the other woman? Do you know?

If he's deleted the messages then I would be suspicious. I'm sure there will be others that are cool with this and say that you can't control who he talks to, but to do it in secret would be a no no for me. Do you know who the person is? Has he mentioned her before?

Thanks both, yeah it's someone he works with, has mentioned her a few times but I have never met her. Think I'd feel more comfortable about the situation if I had.

What did they say? I’ve got male mates I message without thinking twice about it.

Depends entirely on what the messages said but the fact he deleted them would set off deafening alarm bells for me.

Deletion equals something to hide.

And I delete messages almost always. Or they get messy. Am I weird. ?!

The fact he's deleting the messages is a red flag to me. What's he got to hide?

@iCod

And I delete messages almost always. Or they get messy. Am I weird. ?!

I think it's quite unusual but obviously not inherently wrong in any way.

But importantly, it sounds unusual for OP's partner - and he's specifically deleting messages from another woman quickly after they come in despite replying to them / having an ongoing conversation with her.

It sounds very shady.

Thanks for all your replies. I asked him how the woman at work was doing - it came up in conversation as she had been off work. He said no idea as he doesn't have contact with her, which obviously I know is a blatant lie.

I decided to let him know I'd seen the messages today as it was causing me sleepless nights. He says there is nothing in it and that I am disrespectful for not trusting him. I asked why he lied about having no contact with the woman. He said he didn't lie apparently I asked him if hed seen her. Which I didn't. I asked how she was and he said he didn't know because they hadn't had contact.

He now says I've ruined the relationship. I'm receiving abusive messages from him telling me to bore off and cancel our upcoming holiday.

I feel broken and not sure where to go from here. I didn't confront him in an aggressive way at all. I merely told him I'd seen the messages pop up and asked why they have been deleted when he doesn't do this with other peoples messages. I'm now questioning whether I'm being controlling. Feel like I'm about to have a breakdown.

Sorry for the rant just needed to get it out.

You aren't being controlling at all.

He was caught and now he's trying to blame shift.

He now says I've ruined the relationship. I'm receiving abusive messages from him telling me to bore off and cancel our upcoming holiday

You've give him a way out now in a way he can make it your fault.

Even if he hasn't done anything yet, I'd put money on him planning to.

He’s angry you caught him out op. You are not controlling. He is cheating. This is over, dump him, you are worth more.

First he deletes the messages, next he lies about there being any messages at all in an attempt to make you look crazy. This is a method many cheaters use - the make em look crazy deny til I die method. Trust your gut. Are you in love? Is this the many you dream of spending the rest of your life with? If not get out.

He is being aggressive to try to get you to back off.

D
A
R
V
O

Run for the hills.