What does emotional connection mean to you?

[Usernamechanged]

I realise that sounds like a stupid question but I’m trying to picture it. Am recently separated from a marriage where I’m sure it was missing - though I don’t think he’d agree. I felt for a long time we were living pretty separate lives. Superficially we muddled along but never felt we were on the same team. Anyway, trying to process it all now and wondered if anyone in a healthy relationship could set out what it means/ what it looks like?

We have a very playful, blunt sense of humour, and although I think we have a strong emotional connection, we are often laid back and quiet around each other when we’re doing our jobs etc. But, on the other hand, we can read each other’s minds. We always know how each other are feeling. We know what to say or do when the other is having a stressful day or feeling down.

Interesting. ‘H never knew what I felt about anything…and if I tried to tell him he often basically told me I was wrong.

placemarking as I'm in the same position as you OP minus not having left yet. interested to see what a healthy emotional LTR looks like.

Eye contact when talking to you, or when you are talking to them, rather than staring at their phone or busy people watching. Genuinely interested in what you’re talking about and will ask questions. When they smile, their eyes are soft and light up. Tone of voice when they are replying to you, kind and loving. Thoughtful gifts, nothing extravagant or costs a lot, just little gifts on your birthday or anniversary because they remembered something you said you liked or always wanted to do, which was mention in passing. These are things I miss with my DH thanks to work and kids. I just hope we might get back there one day.

Hmmm. I feel at the moment that on reflection it was worse than I realised. That’s really sad.

Really interested to hear more thoughts.

Sorry to hear you’re in the same situation @

Send too soon - namechangethesecond! I’m wondering how I got to middle age and don’t really know what a healthy LTR looks like. Depressing.

@Usernamechanged

Send too soon - namechangethesecond! I’m wondering how I got to middle age and don’t really know what a healthy LTR looks like. Depressing.

better late than never it's so easy to think everything is okay when really it's just that we've given up hoping for nice normal things for ourselves. and that it's not being selfish, it's being human.

I had a partner who would say if he had a really bad day it was ok because he knew he was coming to me and we would talk about. He would say Afraid I think I'm worried about this thing... He would listen to things that brought me joy (wool mostly!) But he actively listened because he saw how happy and excited I was.

I think there are a lot of relationships which lack a shared emotional connection because in part men are taught not to share them with anyone. It makes me so upset to think of all the men and women who don't have that connection. It's what your partner is for, not just sex or cleaning or bringing in money etc. Having experienced it I couldn't go back to a functional relationship.

I know I can have difficult conversations with dh. He might not like having them but I know he will reflect and come back with a reasoned response. And similarly, I may not like what he has to say, but I listen and think about it. We do lots of little things to make each other’s lives easier. He knows me inside and out. He makes an effort when he really cba and vice versa.