Is my dh reaction to me feeling unwell ok. So down today

[tellybobob]

Whenever I say I'm not feeling well my dh responds with something like, oh I had that once, then goes on about how bad it was when he had it. And then sighs over and over.

Yesterday I was feeling so ill. I said to my dh maybe I've got a bug as I had a bout on the loo yesterday (sorry tmi) and he starts saying it doesn't seem that way, you're probably just dehydrated. I said I felt really sick and need a bucket. He got the bucket but then took it away after an hour as he decided I didn't need it anymore. I said I needed it but was also pissed off he decides when I am feeling sick or not.

On top of this he kept saying, oh I get these kind of stomach aches every two weeks because I have IBS.
I don't. I literally don't care at this point and think this reaction to me feeling really sick isn't ok. I rarely get ill.
I also felt too ill to take my dc to their sports event today and we had a row because I wasn't feeling well and I felt he should be helping more with getting the dc ready, my dc were jumping on me saying they hadn't had any lunch and daddy had run out of food. It turns out he'd given them hot cross buns for breakfast and eaten all the bread, the dc then had to have cereal for lunch.

I feel like I'm now being punished as he's taken the dc and not contacted me about any of it even though they're racing and would be nice to know how they've done. I am really down and not feeling well. I feel better than yesterday thank goodness but really hurt about his reaction when I'm not feeling well and that he hasn't even bothered to let me know anything about the dc knowing I wanted to go today. Am I just feeling sorry for myself? Is this ok. I feel like his reactions are so cold and inhuman

Usual questions:

Is he always like this when you are ill?

Was he like this before you had kids?

Have you ever talked about it?

Because I would ignore it for now.

When you have the strength and the kids aren't around I would have a proper discussion with him about it. Bring up all your points and let him speak. Try and find out what is going on in his tiny mind.

Is he usually able to feed his own kids or is he usually hopeless in this area too? .

He sounds like an inconsiderate arse. It’s not as competition about who was/is sicker. He should just step up and parent properly.

Your husband is a prick. My guess is that he's always been like this.

He doesn't want you to be ill because it's inconvenient for him.

My ex-husband used to have full-blown screaming meltdown tantrums whenever I got ill. Everything ranging from a mild cold right up to when I nearly died of appendicitis was enough to have him raging, stamping round the house, slamming doors, shouting “Fuck sake!” at the top of his voice.

It took me a long time to realise that his reaction on these rare occasions that I was ill was because it majorly inconvenienced him when I wasn’t running round wiping his ass for him.

Depends if you sit in the living room moaning you’re ill or go to bed and try and sleep it off. I prefer to be left alone when I’m ill and have no tolerance for people who moan and sigh when they aren’t feeling well. Doesn’t sound as if he can win. He’s taken the kids out and now you’re not happy because he’s not keeping you updated; perhaps he thinks you may wish to be left in peace. Mind you I openly admit I would make the worst nurse in the world.

You’re with one of those guys that views you as a domestic appliance.

When you’re broken, it’s an inconvenience to them.

He’ll be one of those “men” that leaves when you get cancer.

My exh always raged a huge drama to his dps that they needed to hurry over to help with the dc as I was poorly AGAIN (migraine).. Never occurred to him to watch his own dc..
Got payback though.. One day he was fitting some flooring and had a bad stomach... I told him prob wind /indigestion and went out.. He needed surgery for a bowel obstruction!!
Oops!!
I felt quite smug tbh!! No sympathy here!

Twat.
Ime he is showing his true self op.

You’re with one of those guys that views you as a domestic appliance. When you’re broken, it’s an inconvenience to them.

This in spades and the worst bit you said

"He got the bucket but then took it away after an hour as he decided I didn't need it anymore."

He decided you should feel better because he wants you to do your usual duties of getting the children ready and feeding them lunch. You must know that this is not loving behaviour. See the appliance bit above.

I am disabled, sometimes I have really bad days where I am incapacitated, neither Dh nor my children who are now mid-late teens have ever been anything other than supportive and caring. Why would someone who loves you undermine your illness, gaslight you telling you that you don't need a sick bucket and doesn't just roll their sleeves up and crack on with the children? Because he is not a very nice person.

My exh was exactly like this. Useless when I was pregnant, useless and mean when I was poorly and needed help with the kids, on and on and on.

Eventually I started to feel anxious about what would happen if I got seriously ill, especially when my GP, who knew about my difficulties, asked me to consider what would happen if I was ever confined to a wheelchair.

Reader, he started an affair when DS was three weeks old, reluctantly made OW pregnant and took years to marry her, then a few years later threatened to kill her at 4am one night when pissed. She escaped, divorced him, then karma came to call and he is now an alcoholic living in a mobile home (nowt wrong with that per se, but when he lived with OW he had quite a palatial pile in rural Hampshire). DC really don't want to know.

All I am advising, sweetie, is to be careful where you go from here.

I was honestly never sick before I met him kept myself very healthy and was lucky to always be healthy too. Not one day was I sick before I got pregnant. I took my first sick day ever when pregnant. He was overly cautious and nice when I've been pregnant but I think because I was his 'amazing' dc vessel.

When dc arrived everything changed. They were his incredible humans and I was the slave that followed him around ensuring they're 'the best'. I spend every day helping them with their activities and school stuff, making sure they are well and ok. I don't really have time for myself anymore. My life is gone as I knew it.
Today I just decided to give up. I never let him take over but I couldn't do it.
He then brought home a takeaway and blamed me for not eating a lot (because I was ill) said if he'd have been able to phone me he would have known what to get (I'd been asleep ill when he got the food and not answered my phone) and went on and on about how he hates throwing away food.
All night he's been silent and on his phone. I just can't bring myself to care in any way now. I think I've gotten myself into a bad place.

And yes I'm someone who shouldn't have allowed things to get this far. I have no family or friends and when I worked ft I was so stressed out by organising everything I ended up giving up everything to keep this life together.
I'll have to think about everything when I feel better. I feel so trapped as im in a really bad place financially and mentally and tbf rely on him entirely financially so will have to sort these things out before anything changes.

Yes OP, agree totally with your latest summary. Make sure you rest and get better, as long as necessary plus a bit more to relax. I think you can find a better life, even with the obstacles you mention. Don’t delay it too long.

It's a bad state of affairs when you say 'look after yourself' and you know the person you're addressing is going to have to because nobody else in her home will.

Get your ducks in a row. This time next year you can look back on this week as the pivotal time in your life when you realised your H is a prize dick and your life started to improve beyond recognition.