A question for any men on here…

[starmestaryou]

If you were in a relationship and there has been no intimacy for at least a year, rarely do things as a couple and poor communication… would you leave, question it or do something else?

I would assume if he isn’t questioning it, he isn’t they bothered about it.

@Bcs174 that’s my thought… and less stress than having to find somewhere to stay

Sorry not a male but I've recently left my ExH with my DS4.
Here's why:

• poor communication through out the whole relationship. I admit on my part as well as his.
• no intimacy since DS was born and even conceiving felt like me asking him for sex...
• me carrying mental load and being the higher earner which I didn't mind until I realised it he was perfectly happy for me to shoulder everything whilst he cruised along.
• a genuine belief from him that it's ok to be unhappy in a marriage as long as you turn up everyday for the kids.
• and last but not least, a realisation that he simply couldn't or wouldn't give more and he believed being unhappy and frustrated in the marriage was my problem alone.

Ultimately I realised life is too short for that.

@Tulipdays sounds very similar to my situation. When he’s happy we’re all to be happy, when he’s annoyed we get silent treatment.
Carrying the mental load is exhausting but he earns more so he’s entitled to a day off, whereas, my days off I play catch up with the house, etc

@starmestaryou yes sounds very similar. I can't tell you that it was an easy decision to leave but felt we exhausted all avenues. We tried marriage counselling twice in the last 2 years. Both times the counsellor said to him there's no point coming to counselling if he couldn't/wouldn't engage and follow through on working together to sort things out. He got to the point of pinning it all on me for being to "difficult to talk to". That's when I knew it was time for me and my DS to forge a different life.

It sounds like you're in a similar situation of everything being brought down to your DH's level of misery that he's comfortable with.

@EBearhug

Going by my current dating experiences, they just sign up to Tinder without trying to fix anything...

100% this.

OP left out an option, which a lot of men appear to take, and that is to say nothing, don't leave, just find a bit on the side.

@Fourfloor I wouldn’t be overly shocked by this if I’m honest. I caught him when our son was first born messaging another girl - didn’t see the extent of the mesages.