How to find evidence of cheating.

[pompomseverywhere]

This is a tough one and I'm posting about a friend.

Husband has left out of blue, everything was happy days (or so we all thought).

Absolutely says there's no one else. As far as I can see it's the script. Blaming wife, spark has gone after 13 years. Doesn't think it will come back.

My friend suspects him and a colleague.

What could she do to get evidence or conclusive proof? So hard to leave a marriage and house on a hunch. Although obviously when the trust has gone the marriage is over anyway.

@LemonTT

There’s no need to turn your life into a soap opera. There are some people who will encourage her to do just that so they can sit back and watch.

He doesn’t want to be with her. He has demonstrated that by leaving her. Accepting that it is over and moving is the next step in her life. She can never bring him back.

Otherwise she will be stuck in a toxic dynamic that might never end.

I don't think she or any of her friends are interested in a soap opera but to leave a marriage on a hunch is a massive risk. She'd rather have definitive proof.

Maybe that's not possible here.

But he's already left.

I agree that the taking some time to think about what he wants type lines are about test driving a new relationship.

I wouldn't take time out of a relationship wanted to be in. I'd talk about it, try and resolve the issues. I'd be concerned/aware that leaving would damage the ttrusted it would never be the ae again anyway. Or worried that the other person would be the one to say, "Fuck that. I'm off."

He's not worried about either of those things.

Hey well be hoping she ends it so he's not the bad guy. It's very common - men dot want to be seen as the baddy who abandoned a wife/partner esp if there are kids involved.

If I'd even suspected exh of cheating, that would have been enough for me. I didn't because it genuinely never occurred to me that anyone would fancy him! But if an affair is genuinely suspected by someone not given to bouts of paranoia, then it is probably happening.

But she won't be leaving the marriage on a hunch if he's already left,that ship has sailed.
So really its been taken out of her hands and he's cowardly that he didn't tell her.I suppose this colleague she suspects of having a relationship with her husband has no idea he's married😏,well she's happy to have very low standards thats on her

@Hollywolly1

But she won't be leaving the marriage on a hunch if he's already left,that ship has sailed. So really its been taken out of her hands and he's cowardly that he didn't tell her.I suppose this colleague she suspects of having a relationship with her husband has no idea he's married😏,well she's happy to have very low standards thats on her

Sorry I should've been more clear in the OP. He's left but it's not final. He's thinking about things, he's left all his stuff behind and financially nothing has changed.

So basically she's waiting in limbo.

So basically she's waiting in limbo.

Tell her to use this time to get her finances and living arrangements in order.

I think its clear hes having an affair. If shes had no clue anything has been wrong, he has obvioulsy had his head truned, whatever he says, and is now off seeing if the grass is greener on the other side.

There was thread recently pretty much the same as this, the 'D' H dissappeared for a week citing he needed to be alone and clear his head, left his poor wife and DC in total limbo, not even knowing where he was.
He was on holiday with the OW.

I understand she needs proof, i'd be the same.
So Its going to be the basic stuff, gain access to his emails, social, any devices left at home if they are not locked down. Internet history.
Bank accounts search, any odd transactions or more then normal cash withdrawals. Do they tie in with times he was away at work or away with work, weekends out etc or when your friend was away.
Location history on phones may show something.

If she needs proof of where he is now and who he is with, then she should consider a private detective if she can afford one.
Does she actually know where he is at the moment? Or could he too be off on a holiday somewhere testing the waters?
If he is cheating, there will be something somewhere that will come to light.

Any recent 'work' dinners? Someone I know caught her DH cheating as he had a work dinner with some clients which required an over night stay. She suspected when she couldn't get hold of him and eventually did at past midnight and he sounded, just off, and was saying the client had only just left.
She knew who the client was. Phoned them the next day, saying there had been an incident at the restaurant late the night before and they were trying to locate anyone who had been there at the time, could they confirm what time they left the restaurant. Client confirmed they had left at 9pm.

If he is having an affair she will probably find out soon enough one way or another soon enough I expect