Should I go back to him...

[wintersparkle1987]

I left the family home 6 months ago and ex DP stayed in the house and I moved back to my parents with the kids. I was heartbroken but he said he wasn't happy and hadn't been for a long time.
In this time I've got a little part time job (I was a SAHM), been seeing someone new who I was friends with before, trying to see friends etc.
I actually really like the new guy. It's just been a friendship that progressed. We've been out for meals, days shopping, lunch dates, he's met my cousin (not kids or my parents), we sit in bars etc and have really long deep chats. I really feel listened to and cared for with him.
ex dp now wants to talk. I do miss the family life and wondering if I should give it a chance.
But then I don't know if I'd be letting myself down . What do you think ?
Thank you
X

He misses the housekeeper/cleaner /admin slave / family life. He doesn’t miss YOU and from the way he’s treated you it’s clear that he definitely doesn’t love you.

You deserve someone who appreciates and loves you. I know living in your old bedroom sucks but it is temporary, you are building a better lifr and doing incredibly well to already be dating, working, and getting your libido back.

You have a chance for a lovely free future. If you go back to him it will just be like it was before and eventually he’ll cheat / tell you to leave.

You want to go on a day trip with him? So do a daytrip. You can have daytrips with your ex. Doesn’t sound fun to me but is worth a try. Just remember he’ll be on his best behaviour trying to lure back his free cleaner…

Oh good god no!

DONT DO IT!

Also does he know your seeing someone new? He could just be jealous and trying to prove to himself he can have you when he wants you

I would definitely see a solicitor about forcing a sale.

As a PP says, he seems very happy blaming you for everything yet squashing you and your kids into one room at your parents is appalling.

I think he is unhappy you’re gone but for his own selfish reasons, as PP said. You’ve done the hard bit, moved out, moved on, met someone new and I bet he’s wallowing in his own mire. Well he doesn’t get to chop and change on a whim I’d say. Stay strong and don’t go back to him. You’ll regret it if you do.

You need to see a solicitor about getting your share of the house. If he needs to sell to pay you out, then tough.

You will need every penny you can get to bring the DC up alone. He is not going to be there for you or them. He sounds horrible, to be honest and is blaming you for everything.

Thanks all xx

I asked him if he would stay with his business partner a few days a week as he never sees the kids those days anyway, it would mean I could have the house to give my parents a break and it would save him travelling as it's closer to work.
His response was "no I'm not doing that, because I don't want to" he then started to reel off everything he pays for being the 'sole earner', said he thought there might be something salvageable between us(?) but I'm proving him otherwise - he only talks about getting back together when I'm trying to get things sorted, like he's trying to pull on my heart strings! And started saying how he pays for my car (he bought it as a gift I had no idea he had traded my car in and bought it while I was out one day) I told him to sell the car and just give me what my old car is worth!

He's now "offered" for me and the kids to move back in and he'll go in the spare room (which we don't even have, it's the baby's bedroom)

Nope, he's not interested in having either you or the kids back, he just doesn't want to do the grown up stuff round the house.

You're also correct in that he's only ever expressing an 'interest' when he thinks you might be 'losing interest' !

Stay with your parents and your boyfriend.

Get an appointment with a solicitor and start divorce proceedings. (Be prepared for lots of 'but I love you' and 'Why are you breaking up our family ?' etc etc It's ALL bullshit. He simply doesn't want you moving forwards and getting a life of your own.)

Stop discussing anything except child access with him. Do that by ONLY communicating by email, block him on your phone and refuse to take any calls from him on a landline. Keep EVERY communication by email only, and only discuss child access matters and ignore anything else he says or asks.

Eventually he WILL get the message.

@wintersparkle1987

I couldn't bear being there anymore and he said I should go as I have family to go to and he doesn't.

You couldn't bear being there anymore, there's your answer.

Don't look back and get the house sold!

Get some good legal advice. Don't go back.

He is a chancer this guy. He doesnt want you. He wants his easy life back.

See a solicitor about the house.

Contact cms about his payments.

@wintersparkle1987

There was a bloke who posted here last week;said he told his exw he wasn't happy and she moved out with the kids and is staying with family because he had nowhere else to go,he said she was a Sahm.He then went on to say he'd found out she was seeing a man she'd been friends with prior to splitting.He was very bitter and was complaining that he thought his ex wanted to work things out not get into a new relationship.He was very bitter.Literally sounds like the reverse of this.

He said he'd purchased boy band tickets at Christmas for his exw for a band she liked when she was younger.