Has anyone ever made it out of the toxic stage?

[jasergra]

Bit of context, DP and I have been together for 5 years with a short break in the middle where we split but then decided we did ultimately love each other a lot and would work on things. Since this our relationship has mostly been great and has improved massively.

We got together when we were young so we have both matured over time, however ever so often I feel us slipping back into old toxic ways, especially in the heat of an argument. E.g. he will bring up something from the past or I will swear at him and call him a name or something. I know for some this might be general run of the mill arguing but we really are trying to create as healthy a relationship as possible.

Has anyone had experience with a partner of having quite toxic arguments and coming out the other side? Getting through it together, or am I doomed and this will be how it is forever?

When we aren't arguing we are very good together, but I'd say we argue a bit more than I'd like atm

I’m not sure if this is quite the same but when DH and I were first together we used to have awful arguments (no violence) but we’d both say things we regret and shout. We both knew we didn’t like it and we managed to change the dynamic by talking about it, talking about how to calm down arguments and both taking responsibility for that rather than blaming the other.
On the whole we managed to change that dynamic but at times of high stress sometimes one of us slips back into it and when we’re calm we talk about it again from a position of joint responsibility rather than blame. We also at one point had couples counselling which was very helpful for understanding each other.

Thank you for your reply @bdhntbis - I think this is the sort of situation DP and I find ourselves in. I also am an advocate of individual and couples therapy so will consider this too.