Feel like she's using me?

[UsedUpFedUp]

Three years ago a woman who had been in my school year moved within an hours drive of us with her family. Our parents are friends, my DM said yes, get in touch with Used Up.
(Former Schoolmate = FS).

Even though our families are friends I didn't like her much. She was bossy, noisy, affected superiority to the point of snobbery her family are no wealthier than mine, she wasn't cleverer than me.

We had our DCs when we were young, whereas FS and DH have primary aged DCs now.

My job involves helping DCs with SEN in many schools. I am well qualified, experienced, have good working relationships.

Since they moved locally we have spent some time with them, DH & I find them hard work. FS's DH is also overbearing and if you've been to India, went he went he stayed with Ghandi.
FS has one DC who is their golden child. We like their other DCs, as far as FS and her DH are concerned, their other DCs can do no right and the golden child can do no wrong.

The golden child has found it difficult to fit in at school. Since they moved here he has been to 3 schools and they are looking at moving him again. The problem? The previous schools have all said they think that the golden child has SEN.

We've done our best to stay away from them, they keep coming back. Mainly because I am useful to them. When they were first here they were having problems with a DC and asked me to talk to him. I did, he explained the problem to me, I relayed this to FS and things were better. Since then I have spoken to their DCs when I have been asked to.

Plus, FS keeps asking me to assess the golden child for SEN. I have politely declined, saying that it would be unprofessional.

Now FS has asked me to talk to one of their DCs again and I've had enough of it.

How do we keep away from them without causing problems between my parents and FS's parents?

This sounds like a boundary problem. There seems to be some sense of obligation to be friends with people you and your DH dislike because your parents think you should. It's not up to them to choose friends for you so perhaps put them straight that they are not your cup of tea and you won't be seeing them again. You don't have to give too much detail, just put in a very firm boundary. It's up to them how they handle this with their friends. Doesn't have to be a major trauma.

As for these people be straight about not wanting to be involved with their child's assessments, on repeat if necessary. Also don't accept or extend invites for contact. The boundary to keep away from them doesnt sound strong enough.

I'm baffled how you seem to have so much to do with them seeing as you don't like them. They're an hour away, so hardly on your doorstep.

As for the 'golden child' - well maybe they are over compensating for them, feel more protective, due to possible SEN. Asking you to talk to the kids is a massive over involvement for you. I wouldn't dream of asking a friend to talk to my DC, unless it was someone they were very close to.
How on earth has this all evolved to this level when you never liked FS? Maybe gradually distance yourself, go LC, be unavailable.

As a child at school FS was someone that I was neither friends nor enemies with. We were in a lot of the same classes.

When we were younger our parents had a friend group of eight couples, they all had DCs. We spent time together as part of the group of children when our parents all got together. So I knew her quite well, we never fell out but didn't hang out by choice either.

We live rurally, she does live an hour away but round here an hours drive isn't far.

You are right about boundaries.
That said, the complication is that I don't want to upset my parent's relationship with FS's parents.
My parents and her parents are still in the same friend group, sadly some of the group have passed away, others are ill. They are all at that age.

My feeling is that I need to talk to my parents to prepare them for any potential repercussions.

At the risk of being accused of drip feeding; I have some concerns about FS's husband. When we were together he followed FS into the kitchen (she was making coffee or something) and he really tore her off a strip. DH and I could hear it. It was nasty, bullying. That's happened a few times.
FS is the type to put on a brave face.

FS's DH has also spoken to their DC's in a way that I can best describe as vicious.
Although I know that he wanted to have DCs, she does everything with them and for them.
He does nothing, I've even heard him shouting at FS because his dinner wasn't ready on time.

That's why she wants help with the DCs, otherwise she is on her own.

Yes, I do need to be boundaried. I've blocked her number on my phone, just to give me some time to decide how to handle it.

If you have any advice for how to disentangled myself from this I would be grateful.

Just started saying no.

If the ask if they can come round - no.
If they ask if you want to meet up- no.
If they ask you to assess or talk to their child - no.

As for the other stuff.

I managed to not fall out with other parents if our children fell out at school so I'm sure your parents will also manage.

I cannot imagine, as an adult, being expected to be greens with someone I didn't like because my parents likes theirs! It's just unfathomable to the point where I don't really gave any advice other than what you're already had.

Put bluntly, they don't sound like the sort if people I'd want yo know either. So I'd just have nothing to do with them. This is a you issue rather than a them issue.