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Original poster

To date or not?

9 replies

Nattie14 · 02/04/2022 12:59

My husband and I split because of various issues. Talked about reconciling but there’s still no accountability for certain attitudes/behaviours. I love him still but not how it was but in an ideal world would like to sort it out.

I’ve been asked out on a date. What now? Is it unfair to go? Even if it’s just to get a taste of the dating world after so long?

OP posts:
MrsGHarrison87 · 02/04/2022 13:03

It's up to you. There's no harm in just getting out and about and meeting new people as a confidence boost. You don't need to get into anything serious just yet if you feel you're not ready but it might be good for you.

Original poster
Nattie14 · 02/04/2022 13:10

Thank you. I don’t know whether I should if there might ever be a chance for ex and I. I wouldn’t want it held against me.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/04/2022 14:13

If your ex is the kind of man to "hold it against you" - going on a date while not in a relationship with anyone - then quite honestly he's not the sort of man I'd ever consider getting back with.

If he's still not taking responsibility for his behaviour then it doesn't sound like he really wants to repair the marriage - he just wants a nice comfy life back, and fuck whether you're unhappy as long as he is.

BlueSlate · 02/04/2022 15:48

It's none of your husband's business what you do while you are separated.

And I would say the same to him too. If you want to go on a date/have a one night stand/fwb/be celibate, its no one's business but your own.

Same for him.

If you ever did reconcile, I would also say that any discussion of what either of you did during that time I'd off limits.

I split up with a boyfriend a few years ago. I slept with someone else a few times. We got back together. I didn't tell him, he didn't ask. I have no idea if he did or not. It was irrelevant. I know we weren't married but the principle stands.

Original poster
Nattie14 · 02/04/2022 17:20

I agree. But he’s the kind of guy who will say he needs to know every detail or we can’t pursue getting back together. I wouldn’t ask him because I’d want to move forward but backwards.

OP posts:
Lady0racle · 02/04/2022 17:23

I think your ex is exactly the sort of person you don’t need in your life.

Go on the date if you want to. It is literally nothing to do with your ex and you are under no obligation to tell him anything if you do get back together (I wouldn’t).

BlueSlate · 02/04/2022 17:24

And..?

You're the sort of person who wants to move forwards and not look backwards.

Why does his sort of person trump your sort of person?

Just tell him it's not up for discussion. What's important is you and he moving forwards and not the minutae of what happened when you were apart.

BlueSlate · 02/04/2022 17:25

But I do agree, he's not the sort of person I'd want to be getting back together with either.

Original poster
Nattie14 · 02/04/2022 17:56

He’s actually a wonderful guy in all other aspects he’s just not good at accepting he’s not right all of the times. And the obsession he developed was partly my fault so I gave him some leeway but I couldn’t keep on with the interrogations and I feel I’d get them again. I’m stuck because otherwise he’s great

OP posts:
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